I hate dating experts.  You can’t find a more execrable lot who dispenses either the kind of common sense advice that even a monkey with half a brain wasted on whiskey would know, or a truckload of compost heap designed to liberate you of your wallet money before you realize you’ve been had, and no, Pickup Step #12 wasn’t the sure winner they said it would be after all.  Dating experts are like lawyers, they over complicate what should be simple matters, because if they didn’t, there’d be no business for them.  This is why they should all be rounded up and sent to some death camp somewhere (Florida, maybe?)

Still, I was bored today and ended up reading this series of interviews with 3 popular male dating experts.

And now I feel like blowing sh__ up.

You get advice like don’t be altruistic because women won’t find it sincere, or if I end up getting stuck in the friend zone I should get a new haircut and maybe change my cologne, or my personal favorite, I should try withholding my name intentionally when introducing myself to a girl, that way if she asks me what it is, I’ll know she’s interested, and if she doesn’t, then that means I should move on.

Because you know, there’s just no way to tell if a girl is into you right off the bat without being a rude little bastard.

BUT, it’s agreed that I can still be myself… only the best part of myself that is.  The bad parts I should be  burying in secrecy until we tie the knot, at which point I can then safely make known the depths and widths of my obscenely ugly personality.

Yes I can see myself getting far with these little gems of wisdom.

Oh, and the niceness thing?  We gotta knock that crap off:

Because nice guys are weak guys. They wear their heart on their sleeve and they don’t make the girl work for it. …What happens is that the guy says, “I had a good time, did you? Can I see you again? You’re really a nice girl! You’re sure good looking.” This girl is 28, she’s good looking, and ever since she was 12, guys have been telling her she’s beautiful. So, what effect does that compliment have? It’s a negative.

You know, there’s a difference between being nice and being a weenie, but unfortunately the two often get lumped together as being the same.  If a girl is really into me, of course I’d want to treat her like a queen because she’s genuinely interested in me,  not because she’s a blowtorch of a man hater with plans to dominate me and crush my precious balls so she can win another one for the home team.  She cares about who I am.  That in itself is a trait so rare that it behooves me not to respond in a showering of wubsy wubs and affection.

And really, complimenting her is not a negative, dumbass.  You know why it was a negative before?  Because all those guys telling her how beautiful she was said it because they wanted to get into her pantie wanties.  If a decent guy says it and actually MEANS it though, she should pick up on that and realize she’s finally got something genuine here, and she’ll appreciate his kindness because they come straight from the heart.

Because seriously dude, if she can’t handle being treated like gold by a nice guy (who’s not a weenie), isn’t that an indication that there’s something wrong with HER?  So why does all of mankind have to adapt themselves to accommodate this particularly large segment of fruity nuts bitchdom?  I know why, because you are all a bunch of disgusting horndogs who will do and say anything to get laid.  MEN.  They are the most damned stupidest piggish pig-like pig-borking piggyback pigger pigs to have ever graced creation, honest to God.  When they’re not busy scratching and rubbing their 9 months pregnant sized hairy ass bellies, they’re busy letting one fly while they expound on the intricacies of the latest scores in sports or how they’d like to hit every walking thing within 100 yards that passes for a female, and yet they profoundly believe this is what passes for intelligent discussion.

Ok, that got away from me a little.   Back to the women bashing here.  I noticed they wrap things up by conceding what we’ve known all along, that women are in fact attracted to money and power, only here they try to soften the blow by saying women are attracted to guys with wealth and status, which translates into, uh, money and power.

Sigh.  Remember back when life was simpler and marriages were arranged and we could all marry our cousins and sisters without anyone blinking an eye?  I miss those days.

Tags: advice, affection, dating, dating experts, dating gurus, love, men, nice guys, personality, women
Categories: Romance and Relationships
 
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A visitor to my blog sent this email:

Name: kunki

Message: I want to learn how to make money. Thank you

My response:

Dear kunki,

Get a job.

Warmest regards,
Lincoln

P.S. That advice didn’t come free. Please send me $10 payment via Paypal or I will send green monkeys after you.

Tags: advice, email, funny, money
Categories: Lincoln's Personal Log
 
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To the poor little boy who found my blog using the search phrase,

“i’m 12 and i like this girl who is dating another guy how do i win her heart”

Congratulations, you are now about to embark on what will undoubtedly be the start of a lifelong journey of unrequited love and gut wrenching heartbreaks, because that cute little girl you’ve been mooning over for months and leaving little notes for is in fact one vicious, bedazzled terrorist of a creature who was fathered by Satan and mothered by the Antichrist. There is no doubt that she would not hesitate for a second to claw your eyes out and bite you in the face just for daring to pollute her existence, and then going off to laugh with her spiky haired boyfriend about what a huge loser you are.

So give it up. No matter what you do, she will never, ever like you, and those freckles on your face that Mamma said made you look so adorable, in fact make you look like a genetic mutant freak of nature to the object of your affection and the rest of the real world.

Consider this your baptism of fire into a life of bitterness and loneliness, because things are about to get much, much worse. As women get older, they will have outgrown the physical biting and clawing your eyes out, because by then they’ll have mastered the art of psychologically screwing your mind over so badly that all that will be left of you by the time they’re done is a shell of a human being wrapped in a strait jacket, muttering incoherent thoughts in a padded room at the Sunshine and Happy Happy Home.

So, you can take this as an early lesson that women are not cuddly bundles of love, but are in fact hateful instruments of torture and destruction who will happily dance all over your carcass while playing suck face with their latest trailer park trash boyfriend who just made parole.

Learn this truth now my boy, and you can save yourself by writing off the female race altogether, and then throwing down a daily dose of Prozac to numb out your feelings so you’ll never fall in love again.

Happy Valentine’s Day.

Tags: advice, anti valentine, heartbreaks, loneliness, unrequited love, valentines day, women suck
Categories: Romance and Relationships
 
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Internet dating sites have now become a huge industry, with thousands of sites dedicated to either providing dating advice or dating related services. This particular industry though seems to be HIGHLY plagued by online dating sites that may in fact be craftily designed splogs (automated blogs created for the primary purpose of spamming visitors), and crooksters looking to score off your dating misery.

These type of sites can be very hard to detect sometimes, but if you have pretty good intuition, maybe you’ll get a feeling like I do that something just seems to be a little bit… off here.

That’s how I felt about the site Online Dating Tips. Upon my first visit it seemed innocent enough, tightly coded, aesthetic design, speedy load, etc.. However, it also seemed light on the content, and heavy on the affiliate links. I don’t think I’m exaggerating when I say that apparently EVERY external link on that site was in fact a cloaked affiliate link to some of the biggest dating services on the Internet.

Hmmmm….

The content itself is split into several categories containing very short articles, which is easy to read and to be fair, really does offer some sound advice, BUT… you get the strange sense that you’ve already read it all before. Additionally, for a site that purports to be an authority on how to use online personals, it certainly comes across as a bit… impersonal. There are no personal testimonies, and no heart warming anecdotes to encourage the reader with. It all seems very bland and emotionless.

There’s a reason for this though: the content is not original. At all. My suspicions were confirmed when I copied and pasted a particular phrase from an article here and did a Google search with it. The phrase I copied was:

“Is it possible to find a soul mate online through a dating service? You bet it is…”

And lookie see here, I found another article that starts the same way. In fact, it’s the very same article. But wait! Here’s another copy of the same article. And another one here, and here, and here and…

Hmmmmmmmmm….

Could be this “dating tips” site isn’t interested in the slightest bit about helping you find your loved one, but it does seem very interested in liberating you of your money through affiliate profits. Look, I don’t begrudge anyone who does affiliate marketing since I do it too, but if that’s their only purpose and they have no intention of offering anything of value in return, then they need to get their boonie boons spanked silly.

Well, I don’t know about you, but I’m devastated. And here I thought I found a place where people cared. Where people truly understood my sad plight and heartfelt desire to find a snuggly tookie tums butter pot cuddle pie to call my own.

Alas, alas, it appears that such is not the case here, and I shall have to continue my search elsewhere.

Tags: advice, affiliate links, anecdotes, cloaking, dating, dating service, dating services, google, google search, internet, internet dating, intuition, love, matchmaking, misery, personals, related services, review, scam, soul mate, sound advice, spam, spamming, splog, splogging, suspicions, tips, tricks
Categories: Romance and Relationships, Tangled Webs
 
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There are probably more web hosting services out there than there are beanie babies, making the task of finding a good service a really daunting one at times.

A site called Web Hosting Unleashed however aims to make the process of finding a hosting service much easier for you. When I accessed their site, the first thing I noticed when I loaded their main page was the SPEED. Usually hosting review sites are bloated with ads, scripts and whatnots, which makes the load time almost unbearable at times. Not so here, and believe me, this was a welcome relief.

The first thing my eyes were drawn to after the page loaded were a few hosting banner ads, which I immediately suspected of being affiliate links. I started thinking, “Oh great, not another one of those sites,” by which I meant spam sites that were light on content and heavy on the affiliate links. As I dug further though my suspicions melted away and I was convinced that this was thankfully a legitimate website for once. Yay!

Navigation is made easy via the use of menu tabs, though I would get rid of the redundant navigation links contained at the footer (the links at the header should be enough). I’m of the mindset that every link takes you to a different place, and for those visitors who treat links the same way, redundant links will probably only confuse them more, as well as unnecessarily adding to the site’s overall “busyness.”

After surfing around for a few minutes, it became clear that the best offerings you’ll find here are the extensive listing of coupon codes available for hosting services you sign up for, and the user reviews you can find for any hosting service you’re interested in. Due to the site’s longevity (they’ve been around since 2002), there are already many reviews available that you can sift through and read, even for hosting companies that haven’t enjoyed much exposure.

I would have like to have more control over how reviews and other listings were sorted, but this is a minor inconvenience, and there are enough tabs and choices to choose from to help you find the relevant information you’re searching for. They are constantly redesigning the site though, so it’s possible more sorting options will be offered later on.

There is also a guide section that has a surprisingly long list of helpful articles and tutorials to help you get started, and a blog that provides the latest news and coupon codes relating to the web hosting industry. If you’re a beginner who is just getting started looking for a hosting solution, their article, “9 Tips For Not Getting Screwed By Your Web Host” offers some of the best advice I’ve seen to avoid getting ripped off or hosed by a hosting provider.

Overall, I’m pleased to have discovered this site, and have bookmarked it for the future should the time come when I have to find a new hosting service myself (which hopefully won’t be any time soon).

Tags: advice, articles, banner ads, beanie babies, footer, guide, hosting, hosting service, load time, longevity, mindset, offerings, provider, resource, review, scripts, suspicions, tips, web hosting, web hosting services, whatnots, yay
Categories: Blog Fog
 
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My latest link discoveries and finds for today:

• Web 2.0 Badges – Useful collection of stylish web 2.0 badges and a badge generator.
• Bust a Name – Easy way to find available domain names using keywords you like.
• Top 10 Ways to Declutter Your Digital Life – Lifehacker – Useful suggestions for streamlining your PC habits.
• Online Music: 90+ Essential Music and Audio Websites – Yet ANOTHER crazy list by Mashable (they’re going to do this forever), this one for audiophiles.
• Podcasting Toolbox: 70+ Podcasting Tools and Resources – Yet another crazy list from Mashable, this one for podcasting.
• Your Guide to Never Feeling Tired Again – Nice long list of suggestions to revitalize your body and get rid of that perpetual feeling of tiredness.
• FolderShare.com – Sync files, sync folders, transfer files and more anywhere – Great way to sync your content if you have more than one computer. Ideal I think for synchronizing your My Documents, My Pictures, My Video and My Music folders.

Tags: advice, audio, badges, blogging, bookmarks, computer, declutter, del.icio.us, design, domain, domains, free, health, howto, internet, lifehacker, Links, mashable, media, mp3, music, network, organization, podcast, podcasting, productivity, radio, resource, search, share, sleep, software, storage, sync, tips, tired, tools, web, web2.0, webdesign, widgets, windows
Categories: Lincoln's Personal Log
 
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