In spite of how difficult it’s become trying to find a nice Christian girl with enough moral fiber not to go a-whoring around town every night, I’ve always believed that if I just dug hard enough through the compost heap of life, I’d eventually find my jewel.

With that in mind, there’s an old-time Christian artist I listen to that I thought only the most devout of Christians would appreciate, mainly because his songs are so God focused and consistently admonish us to stop sinning and live a holy life. So if I found a girl who particularly liked this singer, it was a major plus for me.

Yesterday I came across this inactive dating profile where the girl mentioned her love for this same artist. Total awesomeness, dude. In addition, she writes:

My life is God’s first and foremost! I am also a Messianic Jew.

Awesome.

I am madly in love with my hubby…

Ah well, it was an inactive profile after all.

and our fiance too! She is the wife of my heart.

… … … … … … … Huh?

We have an equal and closed triangle triad (people who practice polyfidelity would understand), and I am really happy to have them in my life.

What… in the… blue… F*&%?

Not to detract from the subject, but I’m curious to know what the bedding arrangements are here. Do they go for a full on king size, or is there a schedule involved?

But, really, what the F*&%?

Do Christians even bother to read their Bibles anymore? Or are you all using The Message instead, assuming it’s just as good a transliteral work of the originals? (just in case you’re a really dense moron of a Christian here, The Message is a very loose paraphrase of the Bible.)

I think what galls me more than anything about this is not so much this bizarre adulterous arrangement they got going here, but the fact that they managed to find a girl who would actually agree to it. The hubbie must really be loving his two for one deal, that’s for sure.

To cap it off, this was on top of recently learning about a transsexual who found love and “married” another transsexual. Really, isn’t it just wonderful how all these lovebirds can find each other with relative ease? And here I am, a simple guy who just wants a decent girl to love (and who understandably prefers that she not be batdroppings bugnuts insane), yet it’s like trying to find Sasquatch. Did she ever really exist to begin with?

But, whatever. Reading that sealed it for me. I am absolutely done with you Christian asshats. Because let’s face it, if you weren’t already busy engaging in a frolicking threesome, then you’d be busy convulsing in holy laughter, or running down the aisle to “get some” with Todd Bentley, or amassing a dozen degrees in seminaries to spout some fatalistic Calvinist crap, or attending a Rick Warren seminar to find your purpose in life, or cheering on your pastor as he screams GOD DAMN AMERICA!!!!!!!

I know there are a few of you left who haven’t completely lost your minds, but collectively speaking, you are all… truly… nuckin’ futs.

I can never abandon my faith, because I know God is real and that His Word is real, but I can no longer associate myself with any Christian group, much less attend any of its churches. You all feel free to continue as you were though, and let the “Spirit” continue to slay your silly, stupid asses as much as your wee little hearts desire. I choose to follow another path.

As for my soulmate, I guess I’ll still always be searching for the girl of my dreams, but I recognize now that the perfect girl won’t be a Christian. She’ll be something better: sane.

Found an interesting Dear Dr. Graham letter in an advice column today:

Dear Dr. Graham: I’ve fallen in love with a woman I work with, and I sincerely believe God brought us together.

But my wife got very upset when she found out and I told her I wanted a divorce.

What a sad world we live in when even our own wives try to get in the way of true love.

Got an email today from a dating service inviting me to join their affiliate program. Yawn.

But then I noticed this:

Ashley Madison is the premiere online dating agency of its kind designed for people in a relationship, either married or otherwise, who are interested in having romantic and intriguing experiences outside of their relationship…

Holy jumping jiminy jam jimbos…

It does beg the question though: has the dating pool become so pitiful these days that one has no choice but to start hitting up married folks for some loving? I have to admit though, I’ve been tempted at times. There’s two hot coworkers I can think of who are happily married (I guess), but man, what I wouldn’t do for a little coochie coo…

I mean come on, so what if a gal drops her skag of a husband to go rolling around in the hay with me, proving without a doubt that she has no sense of loyalty, faithfulness or moral fiber whatsoever? Biiiiiiiiiiiig deal. I mean all that talk about soulmates and one true loves, pftttttttttt, that is so 10 minutes ago. It’s all fairy tales and bunk anyway. We live in the REAL world now, doncha know?

I’m telling you man, a dating service like this just can’t miss!

I recently got temporarily banned from a “conservative” forum after challenging one of the members for making disgusting comments regarding his lifestyle. He basically bragged about being a heavy drinker and for sleeping around with as many women as he could mathematically fit within a day.

Normally this would get a yawn from me. I am from New York after all. But here’s the thing: he called himself a Christian, and a devout one at that.

Say what now?

Since when did God start giving thumbs up for behaving like a drunkard and a sex maniac? Was there a footnote I missed in Revelation that said, “Oh by the way, all those commandments I mentioned earlier about living a sinless life? Just kidding!”

Dudes, seriously, what is this? It was so outrageous I initially thought he was just joking. When it became clear that he wasn’t, and even worse tried to defend it, I finally called him out on it. I wasn’t nasty about it (though I could have been), and even used Scripture to back up my points and explain why I felt he was wrong.

So what happens? The board starts coming after ME. Well one “Christian” in particular, who I’m sure had also expressed the same reservations and concerns about this guy behind closed doors, yet decided to take his side and attack me because of an unrelated post I had made a few days earlier that she thought was distasteful. So, my lacking tact was somehow worse than a guy who brags about smelling like the women he slept with the night before?

O-kaaay.

Then another “Christian” (who also happened to be a mod) starts blasting me in private messages (PM), telling me that I go too far, that I should have taken it to PM, yadda yadda yadda, blah blah bladdy blah blah. Not one person, NOT ONE, ever considered the idea that maybe, just maybe, I might have had a point. And I did have a point, but I was the only one who was actually willing to say anything about it publicly.

I’m not the kind of guy who likes to murmur behind closed doors. I’d rather bring things out in the open, that way there’s no doubt as to where I stand on things. And believe me, there was no doubt then when I made that post. But once again, because I said what I felt was the truth, I get my arse put in a sling. So much for contending for the faith once delivered to all the saints.

The cowardice and hypocrisy of that board astounds me to no end. They were perfectly willing to express the very same concerns I did behind closed doors, but to actually tell it to Man Whore’s face was another matter, and even worse, they pretend to be on his side through it all. These are Christians? Good grief, the word has lost all meaning.

Hypocrites, In-Your-Face Perverts, and Cowards. That’s what the church today is all about, and why I no longer want any part of it. Yet in spite of it all, I really do believe there are good Christians out there, some of who even frequent this blog, and while they’re not perfect, they’re still trying to do the best they can in a screwy, psycho world. I have nothing but heartfelt admiration for them. I only wish we weren’t so spread out away from each other in distant lands. Oh well. At least I know they’re out there.

And yeah, I admit I’m hoping that amongst them all, the girl of my dreams is still out there as well, waiting for me.