There are times when I’m only mildly annoyed at the thought of having to come into work. And then there are days where the mere mention of work has me foaming at the mouth. This is one of those days.

One of the most annoying things about my job is the blaring ring the phone gives off: an obnoxious bullhorn of a ring that has the same grating effect as fingernails scraping a chalkboard. After 6 years of hearing these rings, the mere sound now evokes thoughts of homicidal violence. Methinks it’s time either for a new phone, or a new job. I think I’ll go with the latter.

Not that this job doesn’t have perks mind you. I get four days off every other week, have excellent medical benefits, as well as ample time on the books for when I want to take vacations (which is always). The work may be about as exciting as watching paint dry, but there’s not much to it, and if I get done early, I can relax for the rest of the day.

And yet, I hate this job. Truly, utterly, HATE it. It was precisely the kind of job I had gone to college to avoid… and yet, here I am. But now with law school on the horizon, my life would obviously change drastically, and the day would come where this job will at long last be a thing of the past.

But would things change for the better?

I’ve often asked myself what would be better: a job that I would LOVE doing, but had no perks, or a job I’d hate doing, but had many perks? I’ve always believed that if I truly loved my job, then nothing else would matter. Yet what scares me about the career choice of becoming a lawyer is that I would not only end up in a job I’d utterly despise, but one that would have no perks either. Things may suck now, but the possible future of being saddled with a six figure debt in a profession I’d end up hating just as much as the job I have now absolutely terrifies me.

The truth is, I’ve gotten comfortable. As much as I hate the boring, mundane routine of life I’m living now, it’s a life I’ve gotten used to. Here, I’m safe. Out there, I’m not, and by deciding to take a chance here in making such a drastic career change, I run the huge risk of losing the very security I enjoy now. If I end up leaving the nest, would I fly, or would I fall?

I don’t know what to do. You would figure this would be the part where God would come in and show me the way, right? Nope. It’s been proven over the years that God could give a rat’s ass about me, in spite of my pleadings for just a LITTLE direction, just a little something to at least show me that I’m not making the biggest mistake of my life by choosing to go to law school, but He’s too busy helping Benny Hinn and Rick Warren make their millions to be bothered by the likes of little old me.

So, I’m on my own. Should I, or shouldn’t I? Take a chance, or suck it up and count my blessings?

Just some random thoughts going through my head today while I sit here doing just about everything except what I should be doing, that is, working:

• After wandering around the Internet vainly searching for members of my kind, I’ve come to realize something: There ARE no members of my kind. I am… an anomaly, a glitch in the system. I can relate to no one, and none can relate to me.

• The sun is out, the temperature is perfect, it’s the last day of August, and this horrific summer is finally coming to an end. So why am I so bloody depressed??

• I can’t believe I’m still smarting over one of my co-workers getting hitched faster than you can say “Prenup!” I’m here 6 years and I don’t get so much as a nibble. She’s here 5 months and in that timespan dates another co-worker, falls in love, and gets engaged. All this in 5 months?? WT*???

Ok, back to work, or rather, back to avoiding it as much as possible.

I think I need to change the focus of my blog a little bit. Most of my writing thus far has been utter monkey crap, so it’s obvious I haven’t found my niche just yet. I think the problem is that I’m trying too hard to mimic the style of the more successful blogs, and investing too much effort trying to scheme up ways to boost my traffic levels. I really should just write and be done with it, and let the rest take care of itself.

I’ve been a real mess lately, partly because this should have been the time I’d be starting law school and a brand new life, and instead I’m stuffing my face in with ho-hos while watching Grade-B horror flicks on the Sci-Fi channel. Probably not the best way to be spending the last days of summer, but, whatever.

So, where to go from here? Bottom line: I have a year to pull my self together before I start law school. That’s a year to get healthy again, pay off my debts, finish the rest of my law school prepping, and get myself bulked up so I can impress those impressionable law school chicks.

Problem is, it’s hard to stay motivated when I’m not even sure I’m going to law school. But then I consider the alternative… there IS no alternative. All I have now is a dead end job I’ve been working for 6 years, and 6 years could easily turn into 60 if I don’t start taking chances NOW. So… this is it. The next 12 months will either make me or break me. But I can do it, because I have the discipline and the will to go out there and accomplish great things, right? Right??

Oh hell.