Yesterday was my last day off before I had to head back to work, so I decided to make the most of it by doing a relaxing afternoon of geocaching. First one I found was at a park where I once worked as a camp counselor, bringing back fond memories of getting jumped and beaten by a bunch of 10 year old snotheads 5 days a week. Ah yes, memories.
The next one was hidden in a what used to be a creek, long since dried up. The area was now a public plot of land that cut through an entire neighborhood and eventually ended at the grounds of a local high school. After checking the coordinates and looking around for a few minutes, I finally located the hidden cache at the guardrail that separated the park from one of the streets. It was a perfect day, the sun shining and warm enough that no jacket was needed. I felt myself relaxing and enjoying the good weather as I opened up the cache to sign the logbook.
Suddenly, a whale mountain of a hag beast Dede Scozzafava lookalike materializes out of nowhere.
“EXCUSE ME, DO YOU WORK FOR THE TOWN?
“Me? No, just taking a walk here, enjoying the weather.”
“WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE, ARE YOU SCOPING OUT MY HOUSE?? WHAT DID YOU PUT IN THAT GUARDRAIL???”
“Um, no, I’m not scoping anything. Don’t worry about this either, it’s just a geocache.”
“A WHAT? WHAT IS THAT?”
I cheerily explained the concept of geocaching to her. “It’s like a box that contains little trinkets and a logbook. People hide them all over the world, post the coordinates to them online, and then you use a GPS to find it. Sort of like a hi-tech treasure hunt. It’s really fun.”
She didn’t say anything much after that, and went back into a house nearby, so I thought that was pretty much the end of that. I signed the log and went to return the cache.
Then the land whale materializes again.
“WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE??”
I tried to explain geocaching again a few more times, including how you use a GPS device to find caches.
“I DON’T WANT THAT THING HERE. TAKE IT WITH YOU NOW.”
“I don’t think I’m allowed to take it, but I can let the owner know if you feel really uncomfortable about it…”
“THEY’RE SPYING ON US, ELLE!!!” She yelled out to someone apparently standing at the door of the house nearby.
“WHO DO YOU WORK FOR???” The lady apparently named Elle yelled out to me.
I explained who I worked for, which in hindsight I’m thinking was probably a mistake. Because when you combine GPS, satellites, and then the revelation that you work for a government agency, that’s not really a good combo to have when trying to explain a harmless pastime to someone, who for all attempts and purposes was acting like a paranoid schizophrenic.
“Look I have an ID here if you’re that concerned, but I really think you’re overre…”
“IDs CAN BE FALSIFIED. I CAN MAKE A FAKE ID TOO WITH MY PRINTER! I WANT THAT OUT OF HERE NOW!!”
“YOU PUT THAT THERE DIDN’T YOU!? ISN’T THAT A TRACKER??”
“Err no, it’s just a simple keyholder with a logbook inside.” I showed it to her.
Soon another neighbor walking her dog passed by and stopped to see what the commotion was about. It wasn’t 30 seconds before she started glaring at me as well like I was Ted Bundy reincarnated.
“Should we call the police?” She casually suggested. “It looks like he’s littering so they could arrest him for that.”
“I am not littering. And I don’t think I’m on private property either. This area here is a public area right?
“IT DOESN’T MATTER, I CAN SEE YOU FROM MY HOUSE!”
“YOU TAKE THAT THING WITH YOU, AND I DON’T EVER WANT TO SEE YOUR FACE AGAIN, DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?? I SWEAR IF I SEE YOU HERE AGAIN I WILL GET MY SHOTGUN AND BLOW YOUR HEAD OFF! GET THE #%^$ OUT OF HERE NOW!”
“Ok, can I still take a walk in the pa– you know I think I’ll just leave now.”
I quickly walked back to my car, looking over my shoulder every now and then to see if she was in fact going to go back into the house to get her shotgun. Suddenly there were neighbors everywhere, all murmuring and staring at me like I had just landed here from Mars. They continued to glare at me with steely eyes of raging, foaming hatred. I had never seen anything quite like it.
I still had the cache with me, but no way was I putting it back now. I got out of there fast. Afterwards, I pulled into another section of the park area far away from Miss Nightmare on Elm Street, and hid the cache in a guardrail there. :-D
Once upon a time I had gone to school here (not by choice), and I had always known something was just a little “off” with the locals, which is why I minimized any contact with them. They just weren’t… rational, ya know? But I never realized just how bad it really was until now. To be treated like a criminal and have my life threatened, this despite the fact that I was in a PUBLIC park and was parked legally, and so, what, I’m a threat because she saw me from her house from 50 yards away? Seriously? And then to talk about calling the police and working out how they can get me arrested WHILE I’M STANDING RIGHT THERE?
You know, even now I still have a naivete when it comes to befriending people in real life. I always think once I explain things and show I’m not a threat to them, they learn to relax around me. You would think logic and common sense would prevail in the end, right? Well…
The irony of it is that I when I had gone geocaching in Pennsylvania, people had warned of a similar scenario about a cache hidden at another local park there, and how if you parked on the street, one of the neighbors would have a fit and tell you off for parking in front of his house.
But see, that actually makes sense in a way. Here, I’m not merely parking in front of a house to the chagrin of the homeowner. No, I’m actually an agent for the government looking to place a tracking bug in a guardrail so the aliens can come later to murder you in your sleep. Because see, that just makes so much more sense.
Honestly, the more I travel, the more I realize just how badly growing up here had adversely affected the way I see people. I notice everyone around me is batty cracknuts out of their minds, and I assume that’s just how it is everywhere. People are paranoid, hostile, and will spit in your face just for daring to pollute their existence. They will be friendly one day and then come after you with knives the very next. In fact, I’m pretty certain that if I came back to that same place this weekend, they would all be quite friendly to me. Although, I think I’ll refrain from putting that theory to the test.
I should have paid attention when I took psychology at one of the local colleges here, and the professor mentioned that we had one of the highest ratio of mental hospitals than anywhere else in the country.
Now I know why.
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I don’t think that they were afraid at all. If they were, they would have just called the police, or come out wielding firearms, rather than just threaten to. It sound like they mainly wanted to terrorise you. “Hey there’s one of those weirdos fiddling with that box again. Let’s go f’ with him!” It’s the kind of thing that’s expected more from guys; but women are just as capable of being deliberate a’holes. (Side note, the one who made the shotgun remark is guilty of assault.)
I think you’re right, really how could they be afraid? I’m so charming after all. :-D Seriously though, it was a wild scene, though I don’t think she committed assault since we define it a little differently here. Rather I think it’s considered menacing.
Sounds like you need to travel the world in a suit of IronMan armor or something. Blast them if they get too menacing and fly away if you get in over your head :p
Not to mention you can take a tank round to the chest and be okay, so a shotgun should be no problem.
Did you make a note on the online geocaching log page that you moved it?
What I wouldn’t do for an Ironman suit or two. :-D
Yep I moved the cache and posted the new coordinates. I was tempted though to simply go back at 2AM in the morning and leave it in the same spot, just to see what would happen to the next cacher. :
Here’s an idea. Next time this happens, try again to explain Geocacheing, and when they get upset, look around cautiously and say, “Ok, you got me. It is a tracking device. This is how they determine the lottery winners! If your house is within 100 yards of this, and they select it, you could win!” That should defuse the issue pretty quick! :-D
If I looked like Ed McMahon I’d probably be able to sell it better too. :-D
I couldn’t wait to get home and read your blog post on almost getting your head blown off. What a giggle.
Are you a writer? If not, you should be. I find your posts very entertaining. You sure can “spin a yarn”.
Maybe you should come out to Missouri. I think people are a lot more friendly out here. I travel all over the country and I can confidently say my truck can NOT travel east beyond the Indiana border.
Funny you should mention Missouri, I’m actually planning a roadtrip to Springfield and Branson next fall. I have a friend who lives in Arkanas and we’re making tentative plans to meet up in the Ozarks too.
From what I hear, it seems like the girl of my dreams could just be hiding out somewhere in that area, patiently waiting for a bad boy from New York to come sweep her off her feet.
Well……you wanna be careful of those ridge runner women down there in the Ozarks. They are fairly dangerous critters. The way you can tell one is one leg is shorter than the other because of standing on the sides of those steep hills down there. Most of them have gaps between their front teeth too.
But, if you are man enough to stay in the saddle….well let’s just say they can give a man a hell of a ride, if ya catch my drift =-D.
By the way, give us a little heads up on when you’re coming out this way and we might be able to arrange a little hospitality dinner for you on your way to or from the Missouri wilderness. I think me & the family would really like to meet you. From what I have read on some of your posts, we have a lot in common.
bs PS: I figured you’d be out geocaching today ;-}
Don’t worry, I’m smart enough to avoid them hairy mountain women, regardless of their saddle riding reputations. :-D
I’m actually hoping to meet a nice flowery girlie girl in Springfield, since I hear people over there actually have values and like, stuff.
Thanks for the dinner invite too, I’ll know for sure if I’ll be making a go of it over the next few months. :-)
And yep I was out geocaching, but only one, since I had a heart attack when I saw leaves of three again and ran for my life. I think it’s another false alarm though, the leaves were too jagged to be poison ivy, but still, this plant phobia of mine is sucking the joy out of geocaching. They seriously need to place these caches better, like say, at a pizzeria or something.
Hey, OK. Hope you can make it. If you can plan to make it on a 1st or 3rd Saturday, in addition to dinner, we could go to the Orpy Show that I perform in. I ;know; how you love county & bluegrass. We even have a single girl that performs there :>
Is she pretty???
I mean, um, yeah that sounds good! As long as you play Man of Constant Of Sorrows. Don’t make me come all this way without hearing that one at least once. Or twice. :-D
Wow! I thought I had it bad the other day on my first experience of geocaching. I got told off by a farmer, through the medium of excruciating politeness.
http://snailquake.wordpress.com/2011/04/19/geocaching-and-an-angry-farmer/
I’m beginning to think this is a much more hazardous hobby than impressions had led me to believe. Perhaps I should pack it in now while the going’s good.
I know how you feel, I almost got turned completely off from geocaching when I got poison ivy not two weeks after I started, and at a Walmart parking lot of all places too.
Geocaching has led me to some awesome places though, but lately it’s become more trouble than it’s worth. Ultimately I think we just need to learn to be pickier regarding the types of geocaches we’re looking for, read the logs to see if any potential problems might arise and check the ratings, so we’ll know in advance that a cache we decide to hunt for will be worth the effort.
Thanks for the tips. We’ve since made a second unsuccessful attempt to find a geocache. I see it’s not quite the piece of cake we complacetly thought! Reseach and practice are essential.
My first few hunts was a bust as well. The first geocache I ever found was what sold me to the idea, hidden in an unknown garden in Manhattan with a breathtaking view of the East River and Brooklyn Bridge. Had I not searched for the geocache I never would have known it was there.
My favorites are mystery caches and caches with a historical twist to them, where the point is not so much to find the cache itself but enjoy the journey of where it takes you. I’ve had a few like that, but because I wasn’t really paying attention to the cache descriptions at Geocaching.com as much as I should be, I’ve had some real stinkers as well: caches that were surrounded by poison ivy, caches in bad neighborhoods, caches buried thick in thorny shrubbery for no other purpose than just to annoy me, caches in parking lots notorious for being pickup spots for hookers, caches pointlessly placed near boring shopping stores,and on and on.
Upon reflecting on this, you might want to consider a variation of geocaching called Waymarking instead. http://www.waymarking.com
The difference is instead of finding a geocache your objective is to find a location (they used to be called virtual caches but have seen been phased out in favor of waymarking.)
Good luck! I’ve been so busy I haven’t had a chance to get back into geocaching myself, but once I do I’ll be researching and reevaluating how I approach the hobby from now on so I can minimize the bad experiences I’ve had. :-)