Midnight Dreary, Pondering Weak and Weary

Written by Lincoln Adams on January 28, 2007 | 0 Comments
Filed Under: Personal Reflections

I finished cleaning up my blog and watching my shows, so I’m left here surfing the Internet to nowhere in particular. I can still feel that annoying lump in my throat (caused by my acid reflux) and an occasional heartburn, all of which has considerably darkened my mood. Yet as late as it is, I have no desire to go to bed, even though I really am tired, and the only time I get relief from my acid reflux issues is when I finally turn in. It’s also the time where I get a chance to fantasize about the girl of my dreams, conjuring up all kinds of scenarios on how we might first meet, fall in love, and develop that “perfect” relationship.

But for right now, I have only the glow of my monitor to keep me company. It’s times like this when the reality of my solitary existence really hits me, yet once upon a time I actually used to like being alone. I could do what I wanted to, when I wanted to, and I didn’t have to worry about accommodating or considering other people’s feelings. My life was my own.

But ever since my best friend and I have parted ways, I also have no one to talk to either. No one to my share life experiences with, watch a movie with, have dinner with, or just hang out with. Part of it has just been the circumstances of life, but part of it has been my own doing as well. Now that I’m in the process of picking up the pieces of my broken life and trying to put it back together again, I’m hoping this time around things will be different. But I also know it takes time to build relationships and friendships, and wisdom to know how to build them with the right kind of people. I don’t know if I even have what it takes anymore to get out there and connect with the world again. But I do know I can’t live the rest of my life as a virtual hermit either.

So what to do? Just take it one day at a time, I guess.