Merry Christmas, Here’s Your Ticket

Recently New York had just been ranked for being the unhappiest state in the country. My experience today could certainly tell you why.

Since I live in an apartment complex that assigns one parking space per apartment, it’s only natural that we would have an overflow of cars, most of which have no choice but to park on the side streets. When I first moved here they originally gave me trouble over that, until I went down to town hall and explained my situation. Since they knew who I was (it helps to have a long, sordid history of troublemaking with the government) they ripped up the ticket for me and sent me on my way.

Today though was a slightly different story. I’m out shoveling three cars, the sidewalk and God only knows what else for half the residents here, when I see a code enforcement car slowly moving down the street. He was actually getting out and writing tickets for each car that was parked on the street, all of which belonged to the neighbors. What the…

My car was the last in line since it was parked near the curb, so I had time to go up to the old looking douchebag and start a friendly conversation. Since we lived near a train station, the side streets here could not be used for more than 2 hours parking normally, but they tend to make unofficial exceptions for awesome people like me who have to live in this dumpy neighborhood.

“Hey there, are you writing tickets? Because all these cars belong to residents here.”

“You can’t park here. We have a snow emergency and all cars must be off the street to allow plowing.”

“Really, I wasn’t informed of this.”

“All residents were notified. Please move your car or you will be ticketed.”

“Well that’s obviously not true, since I wasn’t notified. Didn’t get a phone call, mail or anything. Not even a Twitter.”

“I’m sorry I can’t help you. You will have to park your vehicle elsewhere.”

“Dude, there IS no other place to park. Where are people supposed to park their cars now, up their asses?”

“Please do not cause trouble sir, or your car will be towed and the authorities will be contacted.”

“I AM the authorities, numbnut.” I showed him my ID.

He paused at this.

“…there must be some other place for you to park?”

Oh, so NOW we’re gonna be nice about this? :eyeroll:

We exchanged a few more words, until finally I opted to move my car and park it, (illegally if you can believe it) in front of a dumpster next to my apartment. The code enforcement dweeb continued to ticket cars, although by this time more people had come out to see what the commotion was about. Before I knew it lots of angry people with heavy shovels had now surrounded the code enforcement guy Heh.

So apparently, the schmuckheads running town hall had issued a snow emergency requiring all vehicles that were along emergency routes to be off the streets, except that evidently, none of us got this notice. Everyone else I spoke to didn’t get a single notice, so to me it would have made much more sense to leave a warning notice on each car, instead of handing out $50 parking tickets like a transit cop drunk on power. But that would have made too much sense. And besides, what liberal scumbag wouldn’t resist a mad grab for more revenues in the midst of a snow storm?

I can’t get out of this state fast enough.