So now that we’ve elected a mini-me version of the Antichrist, I think it’s high time I finally start working to move to a town that’s right for me. A town that’ll keep me movin’ and keep me groovin’ with some energy.
Even though I talk about it, talk about it, talk about it, talk about it… I gotta move on.
Seriously, I gotta move on.
Right now I’m going over which states might offer the best prospects, and I’m starting off with three basic requirements: the state should have no income tax, the gun laws should be flexible, and it should have lopsidedly voted against the communist demon of the underworld in the last election.
So far I have 5 options:
- Wyoming
- Alaska
- Tennessee
- Texas
- South Dakota
Climate and terrain wise I would prefer to live where there’s mountains and temperate seasons (the most important being autumn) AND little humidity. VERY little humidity. Seriously, there’s a reason why I refer to humidity as “Satan’s Breath.” Just… no.
That puts Tennessee at the top for now, especially the eastern part where the Appalachian/Smokey Mountain range begins. And since it’s the closest I’d be able to put together a road trip to visit the area and check it out. The only remaining question is being able to find a job. I have a background in computers and government and finished my undergraduate education a ways back, so I should be good for something besides shoveling horse manure, right? What do you think? Or should I try for another state?
As for the others, I like Wyoming because it has the Rockies, but again the problem is jobs, and it’s also out of driving reach. I’d have to either fly or do a cross country trip just to scout the state. Same deal with Alaska (as much as the thought of being near Sarah Palin thrills me), and the other 2 states, Texas and South Dakota.
If I remove the “no state income tax” requirement however, I have a few more options:
- Idaho
- Utah
- Oklahoma
- Nebraska
- Kansas
- Arkansas
- Louisiana
- Mississippi
- Alabama
- Kentucky
- West Virginia
I would drop all of the southern states because of the humidity and lack of mountains, but I hear the girls are so smokin’ hot in places like Alabama and Mississippi that I just have to keep these states on the list for now. :-D
Idaho and Utah might be good options, but I don’t particularly care for the high Mormon demographic. It’s not that I hate Mormons or anything, I just can’t stand them. Kansas and Nebraska have no mountains and seem boring overall, while Oklahoma might be too humid. West Virginia is on the list, but I drove through the entire state once and the scenery was just awful. Kentucky might be the best choice so far all things considered, but still, I have very little intel about any of these states frankly, which is why I’d like to visit them and see for myself.
In the meantime, what do you think is my best bet? Let me know in the comments. I’ll also include a poll too, because I’m awesome like that.
Help me find my Funkytown!
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Honestly, if you’re looking for somewhere with little or no humidity, most of your list should be disqualified. Especially the people voting for Texas… I lived in Texas for 8 years. One of the best words to describe it is humid–Satan’s breath. True.
In Tennessee, Alabama, Louisiana, Mississippi, Oklahoma, or Kentucky, you might as well wait ’til you’re walking to your car to dry off from your shower–you’ll need to dry off anyway.
As for the other states, it’s up to you. Just some thoughts from a “frequent flyer” with U-haul (former military brat). :)
Kelly,
You seem like a nice girl…Linc needs a girlfriend…how about I set you two up?
@Kelly: Man, where am I gonna have to move, Iceland? I can deal with a little humidity, but anything above 50% for any extended period of time and I’d probably die.
Aww Casey don’t do that. Then I’d have to break it off with your wife.
Well Casey, thank you for noticing. I am. ;)
I understand humidity. I’ve lived in 26 states. Talk about death…
————–censored comment. it was a tad inappropriate————– ;)
@Kelly:
Only 26? What was wrong with the other 24? :-D
OMG you self censored. That is so HAWT.
Uhh, yeah, NOT Tennessee.
lol.
Umm… the other 24 were too humid ;)
Yeah, self censoring is hawt, I agree. I think I was going to say something about Casey’s wife too… I decided against it promptly.
Perhaps email or chat would be easier than comments on the blog? Less need for self censoring? Or maybe you want your masses reading my hawt self-censorship?
Dude, Tennessee is the only place to go. The best state in the union. I recommend East Tennessee, though, I don’t much care for West Tennessee.
Yeah, I do have to consider my audience ya know.
Sent you an email though.
@CaseyC: Funny, I never considered Western TN either because it gets bluer as you go west and it flattens out as well, since the Appalachians runs through the eastern half of the state.
Any place in particular though? I was thinking Knoxville as a starting point.
Now now, don’t be hating on TN. Their football team is still undefeated so far! :-D
And that should matter to me why? :) Just kidding, I’m not a dense female, I follow football.
But still… Tennessee? They call them “mountains.” trust me. they’re not mountains.
Yeah, Knoxville is a great place. Maryville was chosen a few years back as the 2nd best place to live by one of those silly home and garden guides that offer pretty much useless advice and I don’t know why I’m mentioning that, but anyway, Maryville is nice, too. Plus, if you move to TN we can be buddies!
Well you know, they’re like, gay mountains, which is better than nothing I guess. :-D
@CaseyC: So, there’s something about Maryville huh? *guffaw* I so clever…
No no, they’re not. Mountains are mountains, hills are hills. Even those hills couldn’t be considered heterosexually challenged.
Oh yeah, that happened. Be politically correct Linc ;)
@Kelly: Oh come on they’re not hills. They’re really BIG hills.
How did my wife get brought into this? I take back my nice girl comment…
@Casey: I think she’ll take that as a compliment.
Nice…
Good morning all! haha
First of all, those are NOT big hills. Trust me.
Second, Linc mentioned earlier that he was with your wife. I felt the need to prolong the humor.
Third, I’ll take what as a compliment?
Forth, What did you just call me? ;)
Fifth (and last)… wow. Fellowship. :-P lol
Are you saying she’s a wh#$%? Because I certainly wasn’t going to go that far.
@Casey: I’m too tired to fight, so I’m just gonna come over and shoot you.
I think your list is faulty………no humidity?? South is out and that includes TN. Can’t speak to Alaska but Linc, there are no women there. All the other states listed, seriously, have you been there? No? Well trust me……
So where does that leave????
Colorado. God’s Country.
I agree with The Chick Voice. South is out. Colorado–God’s country :)
Where are you Chick? I’m in CO too :)
I lived in Anchorage, AK for a while. There were some women. I won’t lie. lol.
Kelly- My actual location is a closely guarded secret (to go with my secret identity). But I can tell you my elevation (as every good Coloradoan knows their elevation). I’m at 6200 feet. Stop on by and say Howdy
http://www.thechickvoice.blogspot.com
Lincoln never does…………
Wow Chick. I think we live in the same city. How fun.
I’ll be stopping by soon :) (as in now…
Ahem. As for the South and living there, I resemble that remark. Y’all just don’t know great living. :P My hair is humidity challenged but I have lived here most of my life. I wouldn’t live north of the Mason-Dixon line, even if my life depended on it. Seriously. Southerners are choosy about who they adopt and claim, so maybe some of these other commenters just weren’t sweet enough for our iced tea.
I think TN would be a good place to live, but I have only visited there.
Re: job shoveling horse manure – It must be a respectable occupation, otherwise this country wouldn’t employ so many of them on the floors of Congress. Nyuk, nyuk.
Please Belle—–take no offense. I LOVE the south and especially southerners. I just don’t understand how you Steele Magnolias don’t wilt…………living in CO where we run HUMIDIFIERS in our homes in the winter……it’s just a different kind of life. I would love it if we could keep the terrain and swap the PEOPLE……As a Colorado Native there are just too many people here from EVERYWHERE else. But we will consider taking Lincoln in……..if only to find him a wife. Everyone needs to visit Colorado in the fall. As we speak my husband is golfing, I have the top down on my convertible, and last week it snowed.
@Conservative Belle. Trust me honey, I love the south. born in Colorado but raised in mostly southern states (moved a LOT). Nothing like the hospitality… Linc even mentioned at some point (i believe) that I’m a bit more polite than most New Yorkers, esp. the women lol. Southern routes run deep! I just don’t think Linc would find what he’s looking for there (i.e. no humidity, lol)
@Chick. HAHA I know! First snow, and now it’s sunny and 75 (i <3 relient k, by the way lol). I love my state. don’t plan on leaving any time soon, that’s for sure. My heart has always been here, even though I’ve lived so many other places.
This kind of fun, isn’t it, ladies? Chating at Lincoln’s place while he’s off working. Wonder what he’ll say when he gets back. All those terrible FEMALES hanging around, leaving the faint scent of their perfume behind…..
Good grief, I’m gonna have to fumigate this place!
Believe it or not Colorado was first on my list, and it had been ever since I graduated college, until it of course went blue and voted for Satan Lite. And now I hate that state and wish true evil on it.
I visited Colorado and loved it. I’d live there. I guess I’m just used the humidity in the south…stay inside and run air conditioners…what’s the big deal? At least getting stuck out in the heat won’t kill you like getting stuck out in the cold will.
I’ve been stuck out in the cold multiple times, and I’m not dead….
Trust me, I can die in humidity soaked heat. I just can’t breathe man, it’s that horrible.
…but I watched that movie with Doogie Howser where the family gets stuck in snow, and he loses his toes. Are you telling me TV isn’t real?!
I have been to Colorado Springs in the fall and it was great. Of course, no one told me that alcohol has a double-whammy effect at the higher altitude. A couple of glasses of wine had me singing in the hotel lounge at a grand piano with other friends. Egads!
@Conservative Belle: Pictures or it didn’t happen.
No need for pictures. I was probably there ;) hahahaha
lol yeah when I lived in TX and LA, and FL, and AL, air conditioning was like God, except better. Except… not. But yeah, you get my drift. In CO, we have these window air conditioning unit things–never touched it in my life (except to take it out in the winter to close the windows so we dont get frostbite and have to cut off our toes) haha.
Okay, so Colorado did go blue. But that doesn’t happen very often……..and if you pick the right county…we are all red.
Air conditioning? What’s air conditioning? Oh yah, that big box in the back yard…………seldom run it. Always cools off at night here, even in July and August. Shhhhh, don’t tell anyone…..it snows in the mountains, but in Denver….not so much.
So… I think it’s time for a new blog post. just my opinion :)
@Kelly: You gonna write one for me?
I’ll write something but I’ve been in a fog lately. Oh where, oh where has my muse gone?