I lead a charmed life.
So I’m just minding my own business and checking my email, when I get this alert from a Christian pastor I know. He feels a great calamity is about to occur soon, causing massive fires in New York City that will spread out even to New Jersey and Connecticut, along with lootings and riotings in major cities worldwide.
If it had been anyone else I would have immediately dismissed him as a quack and merrily gone on my way. But he had warned about the real estate crash and about the financial crisis we’re experiencing now since the early 90s and was right on both counts. The fires he feels will happen soon is something he had been warning about for several years. God’s judgment.
Whether you believe this or not, the email left me sinking into a pit of despair, even though it was meant to be sent as an encouragement to believers with the knowledge that God is still in control and will provide even in times of major distress.
But if there’s one thing that could define just why I feel so out of place in this world, that email sums it up. It’s not something I can share around the water cooler at work with non-believers, lest they think I was dropping acid. I try talk to other Christians about it but their heads are so far up the hairy flesh balls of Rick Warren that I might as well be speaking Klingon.
I could just say screw it, nothing’s gonna happen, we’re all right as rain here, but in my heart I know it isn’t true. We’re in for some very hard times ahead, and there is virtually no one out there with whom I can confide in and share my feelings with about this without coming across as a cracknut to them. And who knows, maybe nothing will happen, and in His mercy God will grant us a reprieve. But can I not even have a conversation about this with others without getting strange looks or being laughed at?
People are often perplexed as to why I remain single, but this is a big reason why. I see things that no one else does. I believe things that no one else believes. It isolates me from others, and I often have to keep people at arm’s length simply because once they knew the real me, they would either hate me dead or run away, or both. And that’s fine. I’m not looking to be the life of the party here. A friend and a lover is all I’ve ever wanted. While others need to be surrounded by people to the extent that they even use a ranking system for the best friends they have (BFF1 BFF2, etc. – WT*?!?), I would be more than happy having just one true friend.
We pride ourselves on our individuality, but the truth is most people are sheep, and would choose conformity over being unique so long as it meant not having to be alone. That’s why most Christians today are merely nominal in their faith. Their beliefs are so generic and ultimately meaningless that the only way I can get along with them is by completely leaving God out of the picture. As long as we don’t talk about God or spiritual things, we’re a-ok. God is somebody they treat as an equal, someone who is reduced to commercial slogans (Got Milk? becomes Got Jesus?) or a drug high, as if the experience of serving the Creator was tantamount to getting a heroin fix. I’ve never understood this mentality, and yet every time I’ve challenged it, it’s resulted in near violence. So I simply keep my beliefs to myself in order to maintain the peace. People don’t want to hear it.
And now I have to deal with these new set of emotions brought on by this possible revelation of calamity that may soon come upon us, topped off with the fact that I’ve been feeling pretty lousy and fatigued for eons now, and facing a bleak future for which it would seem pointless to even hope of building a new life for myself, much less one that would include a special girl who can truly love me for who I am (who I REALLY am.)
I lead a charmed life.
Subscribe to my posts or the kitten gets it:
RSS
Get Posts by Email
Twitter
Google+
Facebook
Flickr
YouTube
LinkedIn
Blip.fm
Sorry about the missing comments, they were posted on the old server prior to the move. Oops!
I know who you’re talking about and I think he’s off on this one. I respect him, but I think he’s not seeing straight here. Doesn’t pass the test for me.
well if you want a girl to truly love the real you, then you need to show the real you. You said that you dont show the real you, so how are you going to find a girl who will love the real you?
Karen,
Men show their real selves. HAH! In my experience, all women say they want the “nice man” who ends up sounding a lot like me, I just seem to miss out on the looks part. Then when opportunity presents itself, they ALL choose the “bad boy”. Wha..!?
So I gave up trying to do anything different and decided to live my own life and if there came along a female that wanted to share my life and travel along with me, GREAT! But I’m not spending anymore energy trying to figure anything out.
Lincoln: I am with you all the way. I’m not really happy with this, but I get the feeling God is leading me to be single the rest of my life. The problem is that I’ve let that come out as cynicism too often. Now, in the interest of full disclosure, I also don’t think I’m the type of person I would want to marry, so I know a LOT of this singleness is all my fault and I’m willing to take responsibility for that part.
I also am having a hard time affording my own life, let alone on with somebody else in it. I don’t have a problem with a ‘wife’ making more than me. It might be a little weird, but not a problem.
Working in the service industry causes my schedule to me so different thatn any friends I’ve been able to make at church when I’ve been able to attend, that it makes it hard getting together outside of work or because it’s hard for them to understand what my life is like or the things I have to deal with. That, and all the close friends I have managed to make seem to let me down a lot or totally disappoint me in dramatic ways, e.g., my last “best” friend totally hid his sexual addiction from everyone (wife included). Once it came out in the open because of a 15yo, forgiveness was given and he started getting help and things were back on track. However, he still wasn’t showing everything and his wife finally kicked him out when it became known he had been inappropriate with her 7yo niece. How is this man not in jail?!? Then the wife called me to come stay at the house in case he decided to come over. WOW! To be asked to play bouncer for my former best friend???? I’m also their eldest’s Godfather.
Other’s have let me down in less severe ways, I feel more alone the more years I accumulate. And don’t even get me started on my experience with churches in the last 12 yrs.
Thanx for letting me vent.
Um…depressing much?
John – if you respect him, why not believe him on this one? What test are you referring to? To my knowledge, there is one Biblical test of a prophet – that what he says comes to pass. I don’t know of anything he’s prophesied before that didn’t come to pass. Perhaps you just don’t like the message?
@Kirsten: But the only way I might have a real relationship is if she doesn’t know the real me, because if she knows the real me, then it may no longer be real, so I may have to fake the real in order to keep the real or else things just wouldn’t be real.
:-D
@Anthony: I’m sorry to hear about all that. I used to have close friends too but for one reason or another we either split up or just drifted apart. If you truly desire a companion, I believe there is somebody out there for you, so keep the faith, It might be a while yet, but I do believe all things work together for good. In fact I’m always inclined to believe that others will find their true loves, just not in my case. ;)
@John: What Casey said. Is there a reason you dismiss it or is it only because it seems too far fetched to happen? He also had a similar premonition about 9/11 too, so I don’t take his words lightly.
Frankly, I’m hoping God will grant us a reprieve. At least until I get a girlfriend.
Money quote of the century right there!
Thanks Brian!
Time to move to Tennessee.
well you never know…there are women out there who will accept you for the real you….why do you want to hide it? What is so bad about hiding it? I always feel stupid everyday, cause i show my real self…but hey i at least show it…and my friends stay with me cause im true to myself and others.
@Caseyc: I need a JOB first!!
@Kirsten: Maybe I’m just shy. :)
Now, I’m married, so I’m not hitting on you. By why don’t you have a gfriend? You seem like a sensitive, thoughtful kind of guy that most women would adore.
PS-Word to the wise (from someone who used to date b/f marriage): Acting desparate turns females off though. I know that you want a gfriend–but constantly pining about it will turn women off. I know in the day of Feminazism, it seems that we women don’t like real men. But women are attracted like flies to honey when guys act like men. When guys act desparate, then we feel that we need to take care of them like they’re little boys. Hope this helps.
Oh I know it, and more so that a lot of women are drawn to guys who don’t make any attempt to chase them and act all aloof. It’s maddening.
I try to keep my pining to a minimum in real life though. :) There are some girls who find my wistful pining for true love endearing, so I do find that a little encouraging. Mostly though I find it easier to just be myself. I’m passionate and I pine. It’s what I do. :-D Guys love to play games where they purposely don’t call women back after a date and make like they’re disinterested in order to get women to want them more. I can’t stand the game playing, and it bothers me to see so many women rewarding this kind of behavior.
sounds good. I wish you the best! Glad to hear that you’re not over-pining! :)
Thank you, thank you very much!
Lincoln, my first recommendation to you would be to get past feeling incomplete just because you don’t have a soulmate. This is something you just can’t hide; it will make itself known like a bad cheese in your pocket on a hot day. It will repel women, even the ones that are otherwise attracted to you. Most women want a man who is emotionally strong, confident, “self-actualizing”, etc. The women who don’t feel that way are among the ones you don’t want. About the time you achieve emotional autonomy and self-sufficient happiness is the time when you will start meeting the most amazingly interesting women who are, amazingly, interested in you. How do I know this? I’ve been there.
How do you go about this? First, realize that it is necessary. Then quit blaming God for your loneliness; he has given you choice in this matter as well as the faculties that are needed to change things. Then, tell the little voice in your head that likes to whine about how lonely you are to shut up. Then consider all the positive things in your life. Then reaffirm your commitment to emotional autonomy. Then correct the things you dislike about yourself. Don’t expect magic, but notice it when it happens. Changing emotional addictions like this, and like quitting smoking, requires persistence, strength, and firm choice but the barriers are self-imposed and illusory.
Second, do not conceal your true self. As long as you continue to do so, you will never, ever find an emotionally healthy and satisfying relationship with anyone, let alone a mate. This does not mean that you have to engage in religious arguments with everyone. Express your self genuinely, but pass on the argument part. Accept other peoples’ views, but you don’t have to either completely agree with or dispute them. Just as religion and politics are bad choices for dinner table conversations with strangers, some topics are best avoided until after you know people fairly well, and feel like you want to know them better. A sizable portion, perhaps a majority, of problems in relationships are due to people trying to conceal themselves and pretending to be someone they are not. You can easily find friendship and love without pretending to be someone else, but you can’t find them if you do.
Third, spend time in venues that are likely to be attended by women with values, not necessarily opinions, that are similar to yours.
Fourth, don’t drop the ball when an attractive woman is interested in you. This may be happening much more than you realize.
I hope this does not sound condescending. It is not that I know everything and all, I’ve just been around longer.
Best regards.
@thales: The problem is that I can’t really be a strong and confident man because I am at heart, a weenie. :-D Seriously, though you make some fair points and it’s something I need to bash into my head until I finally get the idea.
In relation to prophecies of possible destruction, I find it hard to ignore the fact that President Obama, and the congress, by their recent actions are creating a certain amount of unrest in various parts of the country, and consternation among our allies.
There are too many people in the world who think simply the fact of believing that there is a god is a mental illness. There are plenty more who publicly proclaim that they believe in God and the principles of one or another denomination of one or another religion, but by their actions violate many of the principles they claim to believe in. I try to avoid those people.
There are plenty of things I could say about loneliness and women. Most of it would probably be useless. I will tell you that a couple of years before I met my wife, I gave up on dating and decided to make the most of life on my own. I figured if God had in mind for me to be with someone, He would take care of it, and He did.
@inthomp: I’m glad to hear it worked out for you, and I hope I can arrive at that same level of faith. :)
Where in Jersey does he say the fires will be? I just want to be prepared in case hes right.
Good luck finding a gf Lincoln, you sound like a great guy to me.
He didn’t say where, only that the fires would grow so big it would reach Jersey and parts of Connecticut as well.
Who are you, Linc, who are you REALLY? Are you who you want to be or who you think life has made you into? Are you cynical or realistic? Do you think it’s the destination that matters or the journey? Are you in control or is God?
I don’t think any of it matters anymore, I have no purpose, my life means nothing and I just wanna d— oooh cookies! *chomps*
Who is this guy? I don’t remember hearing anything about that. What’s his name?
Sent you an email. :-D
When I first heard about this, I pretty much dismissed it, since I’ve heard so many idiotic pastors “prophesy” stuff that didn’t happen.
But then I found out who he was, and that totally changed for me.
I actually am not surprised by what he said. I have been feeling for quite some time that a lot of stuff is happening because of God’s wrath. I’ve been sensing that for awhile, and reading his message pretty much confirmed what I’ve been sensing.
I think he’s right, but I do hope for reprieve as well.
I just hope I can score a hot date first before all this happens.