I’ve been in a funk lately. I’ve been told it’s the winter blues but it seems to be more than that. Not just a lost of initiative or ambition, but a complete lack of desire to do just about… anything, to the point that it’s starting to concern me.
I think it started when I began actively searching for a new job. I check the federal listings every now and then, but when I start to really dig past the cryptic government speak to learn what a job truly entails, I’ve started to think to myself: man, this blows chunks of meaty monkey testicles.
I mean, there’s nothing I remotely find interesting about the work for any of these jobs I THOUGHT I’d like to do. So I start checking the private sector, mostly for internet marketing, social media related work since that’s the only other area of expertise I have besides being a government stooge. Sent out tons of resumes, no response to any of them. This is why I hate job hunting, because it’s quite much like the experience of trying to find a girl to date, an exercise in futility until I finally come to gripes with the reality that nobody wants me, nobody has wanted me and nobody ever will want me. One can only endure so much of that before he makes like Rambo hiding out in a hut rambling “%^&* the world” after a pacifist weenie beseeches him for help.
And it’s not that I’ve given up that I find so distressing either, it’s that I’ve lost the desire to even bother anymore. I try to conjure up the excitement of finding a job I enjoy, or finding a nice girl to date, or even gearing up for a new place to travel to, but the well is dry. I’m just kinda “meh” about it all now. Meeting the girl of my dreams? Yawn. Don’t see the point anymore.
And yeah it’s true, I can’t even get excited about traveling either. I had a few plans going for another week long road trip to the south, but now I’m ready to cancel that as well. Had four days off last weekend and I didn’t leave the apartment for four days. My car just sits in the lot wondering what became of me.
Blogging? Forget that. I don’t even know how I’m mustering up the will to write this post let alone anything else.
Instead I’m basically living the life of a semi-zombified hermit, existing only to eat, sleep and play Nancy Drew games on my PC. Oh, and catch up with the latest Michael Connelly read.
Beyond that… meh.
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I’m sorry things suck right now, but I believe them to be temporary. It will get better, but it might not be until spring rolls around. I’ve been searching for a job since July of 2010, and I’m still looking. Feel better soon. Winter sucks, by the way.
Still got you beat, when I first started out job hunting it took me 18 months to find my first full time gig, during a booming economy too. The best I could do during that time was get work as a florist delivery guy only to get fired after a week because they wanted somebody more “permanent.” Good times.
At least now I can look for one at my leisure as there is no sense of urgency (you know, other than old age, lol.)
Lincoln, the last time I was in such a funk was about 4 years ago. I was practically suicidal. I was depressed. What helped me get out of it was helping others. I became a Big Brother (again) and began mentoring a young man with a fatal disease in which his symptoms were like autism.
Both “jobs” got me out of my own self-centered head. Soon, I figured out what I wanted to do next – write. I’ve been a very happy camper ever since. Yes, I needed/need some meds along the way, but there’s no shame in that either! Part of that journey involved realizing that I wasn’t really depressed, just anxious…a whole different scenario and treatment.
Reach out to other men, too…join a men’s group. That helped me a lot and I’m still involved in another newer men’s group!
Meh, I don’t think anyone wants my charity either, lol. Regardless, I think I could still find time to go down to the orphanage and feed the starving children, you know, once I finish playing the latest Batman game (Arkham City).
At least it’s good to know I got my priorities in order, amirite?? :-D
Go get some frozen pizza dough, some garlic, some pesto some grated parmesan cheese and some tomatos. You want roasted garlic, so if you can’t buy that, you will have to roast some yourself, couple of heads, not just a couple of cloves. Quarter the tomatos, and get rid of the seeds and goo inside; cut up the rest into slivers, (see julienne). Smear some pesto across the pizza dough, then sprinkle the garlic cloves, then the tomatos. cook in 450 degree oven, take out, put the cheese on, return to oven for a little bit until it melts. Take out, and eat. Mmmmmm pizza. If you like it go back and learn to make your own pizza dough, and repeat. Mmmmm better pizza and even more feeling of accomplishment.
Good Luck