Ugh, I can’t sleep.
See, it used to be whenever I had trouble falling asleep I would think about how I’d meet my dream girl, exploring all the possibilities on how we’d end up together and fall in love. Just holding on to those dreams would put my mind at enough ease that I could finally conk out and get a good night’s rest. It was my own personal way of counting sheep, and I’d been doing it for years and years. No matter what shape or form she took, I could always imagine her easily, beautiful and loving and caring. My hope kept her real, helped me to believe that she was out there, and that it was only time that kept us apart, until such time finally came to an end.
But now I can’t see her anymore.
As hard as I try to imagine, my mind can’t focus enough for her to appear again, and I’m tossing and turning trying to fall asleep, wondering why it’s so hard now to even put a few thoughts together so I can dream about her for just a little while.
If there was ever a solid indication that my dream has finally died though, this would be it. Maybe my mind is finally coming to terms with the reality that I will never, ever meet someone. This world has become too evil, too foregone a conclusion, and I myself am just too different, too detached from humanity for it to even be possible anymore. Maybe if I had been born 50 years ago I might have had a chance. But not today.
My dream really is over. I will never sleep again.
Subscribe to my posts or the kitten gets it:
RSS
Get Posts by Email
Twitter
Google+
Facebook
Flickr
YouTube
LinkedIn
Blip.fm
I can’t offer a replacement dream. I can offer Melatonin which sometimes helps me fall asleep when I’m not tired enough. However, working out helps me rest much better.
You depress the hell out of me dude.
I think I’ll take up Valium. Drugs is always the answer. :-D
@Christine: What, you think I’m only here for your own personal entertainment?
No worries Linc, I discovered years ago that sleep is way overrated. See, something to look forward to. You can sleep when you’re dead. :-D
I hope this has helped to cheer you up.
In a perverse sort of way it did.
Wow Lincoln,
Happy thoughts of something wonderful is also the way I relax before sleep, but then I remember that for 34 yrs the guy next to me is my reality. he he! I love him soo much even tho he is the most wonderful jerk in the world!
I love the way you express yourself, and I love to give advice so here goes from a somewhat older and wiser person.
Do go out and take a walk in the park, with your pooch, if you have one, (they are great babe magnets) go somewhere you have never been explore new places and for goodness sakes strike up conversations with all kinds of people and don’t worry about finding your dream girl. It happens everyday to people all over the world, and usually when you least expect it.
there now,I feel better and will think happy thoughts for you. keep writing tho, I am inspired by you.
Janay
Thanks Janet, unfortunately though I have so many health problems right now it’s all I can do to get out of bed some mornings. Maybe I’ll be able to get out from under it some day, but in the meantime I’ll just have to take it one day at a time.
What sort of health problems do you have?!
Heartburns mostly, fatigue, problems with numbness, constant ear infections, etc, etc.
I’m sorry :(.
I’ve given up on any man wanting to be with me long ago…so you’ve actually lasted a whole lot longer than I did :).
You’re only 25! When you’re 30 then you can give up altogether. :-D
I posted a response to your original dream girl post so long ago. I can’t remember what mine looks like. And I don’t think I have seen her in a dream since then, either.
Ah well, that’s why God invented alcohol. ;) In the meantime all you can do is live your life and maybe one day you just might be surprised. Who knows.