Hello, my name is Lincoln, and I’m an Angry White Man

One of the reasons my blogging has been so sporadic is that I am attempting to come across as a mellow, mild mannered, polite good old boy.

In other words, the exact opposite of who I really am.

To be sure though, there are many facets to my personality. I can indeed be mellow, lighthearted and fun loving. But there’s a darker side to my personality, one I try to bury (with little success) both in real life and on the Net. It’s the kind of personality that has gotten me banned from various different forums and censured in others, and even almost arrested a few times. Some people write me off as a hateful ne’er do well, while others (perhaps out of morbid curiousity) stick around just to see what I’ll say next.

I’ve always despised this part of my personality, wishing instead that I could always give off all the warmth of a cuddly teddy bear named Bobo, instead of the (thankfully occasional) demeanor of a hammerhead shark that hasn’t eaten for weeks.

The fact is, I’m an angry white man with a lot of issues that I need to work out, and I’ve been debating over whether I should use my blog as an outlet for some of these issues I’ve been trying to deal with. My temper has been known to spill out at inappropriate times, and though I’m almost never violent, I have been very violent with words. Words are my stock in trade, and mine can often cut to the heart if I’m not careful.

But honestly, I’m getting tired of walking on eggshells. I know people get turned off by those who aren’t happy 7 days out of the week, or who must always have a pleasant demeanor lest they should flee away and never befriend them again. But since I have no readers or friends, I really have nothing to lose here by letting loose. Perhaps clearing the air will prove to be a theraupetic exercise for me. Then again, perhaps not. But at least in this sense I’m being more true to who I am as a person, rather than just putting up a more benign facade just so I won’t scare people off.

The truth is, I’ve become very bitter. Like a wounded animal that snaps at anyone who gets too close, even those who just want to help, I find myself trying to deal with painful and open wounds that deeply affect my psyche, wounds that refuse to be healed even years after they’ve first been inflicted on me. It’s made me bitter and angry, at a loss for answers, and wondering how I managed to sink so low. In my journey to find truth and justice in this world, I hope part of that journey will see me escaping this mire of bitterness I’ve created for myself. Only time will tell though whether that will be the case.

Tags: anger, bitterness, blog, blogging, darker side, demeanor, exercise, facade, facets, hammerhead shark, heart, issues, living, outlet, people, personal life, personality, problems, scare, stock, teddy bear, temper, truth, warmth, white man
Categories: Lincoln's Personal Log

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8 Responses to “Hello, my name is Lincoln, and I’m an Angry White Man”

Lawmommy wrote a comment on September 27, 2006 @ 10:03:pm
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Hey Linc. You’re not alone in this world. You have your bloggy friends. Plus, there is always better living through pharmaceuticals.

:-)

Lincoln Adams wrote a comment on September 28, 2006 @ 10:48:am
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This is true, when life gets me down, I can always turn to drugs. :gaga:

Paul wrote a comment on December 4, 2007 @ 01:40:am
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Well man, looks like it’s been a while since anyone has done anything with this site, but just incase you still look at it, like the first person said, you’re not alone. I tend to gripe alot and say stuff that can and has often got me in trouble with others. I tried several times to change myself and found that I failed at it everytime. Until someone told me I was trying to take big steps. They said you don’t become a chain smoker in one day, so why should you quit all in one day. You don’t become prejudice in one day, so don’t try to stop being prejudice in one day, etc.etc.etc. The thing is…. you wanna do it in baby steps. Work on one piece of you at a time. Instead of looking at the negativity that is all around you, thing of the positive things that you still have around you. Would you blow up the world because 90% of the world is corrupt, even though the other 10% might be your best friends? Charish the positive things in your life. Look at the positive things you have and try to block out all the negative things. If you find that what everyone is doing in the world, whether politics or even around the corner from you, don’t concern yourself with them. Only worry about you! Because you and your family and closest friends is all that matters right? Not the rest of the world. Trying to keep up with what goes in the world is like a big soap opera. Who cares what everyone is doing. That is how I kinda look at it now. Who cares if teens these days are getting pregnant and doing drugs. Make sure your kids and maybe your best friends kids aren’t. If everybody else did the same, perhaps the world would be better, but everyone is worried about what everyone else is doing. I may have gone off the subject a lil, but… life isn’t worth stressing over. It really isn’t. My supervisor sat me down one day and asked.. ” What are you stressing over so much? Is this work getting to you that bad? ” I said yeah.. and he said … ” Why? Just do the best you can. Crap is gonna happen. Just do what you can and that’s it!” Just take it easy. Don’t let everyone get to you. Don’t let the world get to you. You aren’t responsible for the world. Don’t care what others think or feel about you. So what! Obviously they care more about you than they do themselves, perhaps because their life is boring and they find yours so much more interesting. I don’t know. Try to find some piece in your life. Savor the moment constantly. Sip on some tea, some coffee, sip it slowly… enjoy the flavor. Enjoy the moment, the time you have to sit back and relax. Sit back and watch life go back, this will give you plenty of thinking time for yourself. Anyways, this is turning into a book. Later man!