Came into work today:
“Hey Linc, Happy Valentine’s!”
“Bite me.”
“Yo, Linc, got any special plans for valentine?”
“Sit on it, poopieface.”
I sit down at my desk, and Mick my coworker approaches me. “Say, Linc….”
“Look, snothead, I swear to God if you so much as even hint at mentioning Valentine’s I will vomit the contents of my last meal all over your nice shiny uniform. I do not care about Valentine’s, understand? As far as I’m concerned, Valentine is a two-bit piece of garbage gayed up, craptastic, doggie dung, commercialized demonic STD infested rat urine of a holiday.”
Mick looked at me for a few seconds.
“I just wanted to know if you finished going through the court papers we got yesterday.”
“……………………………………………oh. Yeah, it’s all finished.”
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