The Habitation of Justice

November 21, 2008 - My Collection of News For Today

Lincoln Adams — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 11:00:08 +0000

Hot off my Google Reader:

Priest gets probation for jogging nude at track (AP)
- I wonder if he was still wearing his collar?
Cell phone in man’s chest pocket stops bullet (AP)
- It’s a Royal cell phone service built for one and all, when you get in trouble give this Royal line a call!
Obese have right to two airline seats
- Does that include an extra meal too?
eHarmony Agrees to Provide Same-Sex Dating Service
- I wonder if I’ll have better luck with this service than I did with eHarmony if I signed up as a male lesbian?

“…believe half of what you see, and none of what you hear…”

If Only…

Lincoln Adams — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 01:27:45 +0000

What’s worth fighting for?

Lincoln Adams — Thu, 20 Nov 2008 23:45:14 +0000

One of the things that really kill any incentive to pull myself together and get my life back on track is that there seems to be nothing worth fighting for. I have no desire to fight for myself, because I’m kinda of a weenie and don’t like myself very much, so there’s no motivation there. I can’t fight for my parents either, because they’d actually be better off if I were dead. That way they could get my pension, my car and the rest of my possessions, which is enough to afford them a nice house somewhere without having to take out a mortgage. Really, I’m holding them back just by being alive.

If anything, I should be fighting for God, but I can never be convinced that He loves or cares about me, even when there are occasionally signs to the contrary. It always seems like the people who have hurt me the most in my life end up getting ridiculously rewarded for their malice, and I’ve never understood why. It’s like I’m a lucky charm for my worst enemies. That’s why there are times I suspect that He cares more about my enemies than He does about me. It’s really a battle to try to change that perception too, especially when on top of that everything else I do in life amounts to a complete failure. Whatever I say or do has little to no impact on anything. I can’t change lives for the better, help people get saved, or contribute anything of value to society or the church. I am hated by all and loved by none, and it’s like I don’t even bother anymore because I know I’ll just fail as usual, so what’s the point? (And before you start berating me for having this loser attitude, just remember it took years of perpetual failures and disappointments to develop this self-defeating mentality, so nyah.)

Then there’s the girl of my dreams factor. One of the worst sins I could think of having committed is that I prolonged meeting her only because I’ve been such a weenie all these years. But is she really out there at the end of the rainbow, waiting for me to get my act together and go get her? Or am I just deluding myself into thinking she is, when the cold, hard truth of the matter is that she doesn’t exist after all, and I will live and die alone?

There were times though when I thought I had met her, and it was within those times that I found all the motivation I needed to get my life in order. I stopped hiding in my own skin and started taking care of myself. My clothes were new and fashionable. My place was always clean. I became more outgoing and personable. My performance at work improved dramatically I just did everything better.

And then it would all come crashing down when it became obvious that she wasn’t in fact the one, sometimes in the most cruelest way imaginable. Afterwards it was all I could do to even get out of bed some days. Sometimes I’d sleep for 12-15 hours straight, and even then I still couldn’t get up. When I did get up though I had a devil may care attitude about life, purposely hurting myself and not giving a damn. And then I would go back to sleep again for another 15 hours.

Things may calm down after a while, but I never do break out of this vicious cycle completely. Yet… what if I could be convinced that there really was somebody out there for me after all? Not just merely hope there was someone, but know it for a fact? If that were the case, there’s no way I’d behave like this, because now my attitude is adversely affecting someone else’s life. It would be wrong of me then not to pull my life together so I could be there for her. I’d feel the same way if I had children too, because there is just no way I could excuse myself with living the way I do if it’s going to hurt my kids. They deserve the best of me, 8 days of week, and they (as well as the girl of my dreams) would definitely be worth fighting for.

As the years go by though and I get older, these dreams and hopes begin to fade away, and with it my desire to live.

I guess I’m looking for something tangible now that will give me enough resolve to fight again, and I don’t mean mere wishy washy, hopey o’ change signs, but something truly rock solid. If the girl of my dreams is out there, I will fight for her. If a better future awaits me, I will fight for it. But I have to believe it. I have to know it to be true.

Show me the way, and I will walk in it. Help me find what’s worth fighting for.

Depression: The Enemy Within

Lincoln Adams — Wed, 19 Nov 2008 19:47:10 +0000

I only have one thing going for me right now: a steady plan to get myself completely out of debt by July 4th, 2009. After that I’ll have a lot of wiggle room to move around and start searching for another job so I can move out of New York once and for all.

That is, if I can muster up the energy to do so, because right now it’s all I can do to even stay awake these days. As much as I try to hope and believe a better future awaits me, I plunge so deeply in despair that I sometimes ask God to end my life. I’m already past my prime and getting older, and with that there’s no prospect of finding a better career after having been in a dead end job for so many years. Little to no chance of finding the girl of my dreams either, and healthwise I continue to get worse and worse. I wonder if I don’t already have a cancer somewhere in my inwards that will soon put me out of my misery anyway. Maybe that’s why I won’t see a doctor, so I can give it a chance to finish the job. And of course with the coming economic holocaust and a government about to veer to the left of Stalin, it’s hard to find reasons to even stay alive anymore.

I can’t even blog because there is just nothing going on in my life right now, and the news just depresses me even more. I guess I’m just in a really bad way right now, and I don’t know if I’ll ever get out of it. Sigh.

Looking for my Funkytown

Lincoln Adams — Mon, 17 Nov 2008 18:58:25 +0000

So now that we’ve elected a mini-me version of the Antichrist, I think it’s high time I finally start working to move to a town that’s right for me. A town that’ll keep me movin’ and keep me groovin’ with some energy.

Even though I talk about it, talk about it, talk about it, talk about it… I gotta move on.

Seriously, I gotta move on.

Right now I’m going over which states might offer the best prospects, and I’m starting off with three basic requirements: the state should have no income tax, the gun laws should be flexible, and it should have lopsidedly voted against the communist demon of the underworld in the last election.

So far I have 5 options:

Wyoming
Alaska
Tennessee
Texas
South Dakota

Climate and terrain wise I would prefer to live where there’s mountains and temperate seasons (the most important being autumn) AND little humidity. VERY little humidity. Seriously, there’s a reason why I refer to humidity as “Satan’s Breath.” Just… no.

That puts Tennessee at the top for now, especially the eastern part where the Appalachian/Smokey Mountain range begins. And since it’s the closest I’d be able to put together a road trip to visit the area and check it out. The only remaining question is being able to find a job. I have a background in computers and government and finished my undergraduate education a ways back, so I should be good for something besides shoveling horse manure, right? What do you think? Or should I try for another state?

As for the others, I like Wyoming because it has the Rockies, but again the problem is jobs, and it’s also out of driving reach. I’d have to either fly or do a cross country trip just to scout the state. Same deal with Alaska (as much as the thought of being near Sarah Palin thrills me), and the other 2 states, Texas and South Dakota.

If I remove the “no state income tax” requirement however, I have a few more options:

Idaho
Utah
Oklahoma
Nebraska
Kansas
Arkansas
Louisiana
Mississippi
Alabama
Kentucky
West Virginia

I would drop all of the southern states because of the humidity and lack of mountains, but I hear the girls are so smokin’ hot in places like Alabama and Mississippi that I just have to keep these states on the list for now.

Idaho and Utah might be good options, but I don’t particularly care for the high Mormon demographic. It’s not that I hate Mormons or anything, I just can’t stand them. Kansas and Nebraska have no mountains and seem boring overall, while Oklahoma might be too humid. West Virginia is on the list, but I drove through the entire state once and the scenery was just awful. Kentucky might be the best choice so far all things considered, but still, I have very little intel about any of these states frankly, which is why I’d like to visit them and see for myself.

In the meantime, what do you think is my best bet? Let me know in the comments. I’ll also include a poll too, because I’m awesome like that.

Help me find my Funkytown!

Note: There is a poll embedded within this post, please visit the site to participate in this post's poll.

Coming to the end of all things

Lincoln Adams — Sun, 16 Nov 2008 21:51:45 +0000

Death,

Surrounds us,

Draws us,

Time stands still,

Yet moves so quickly,

Alone,

Unwanted,

Unloved,

Darkness seeps in,

I am cold,

Am I alive, or am I a ghost?

“Will I ever meet the girl of my dreams?”

Lincoln Adams — Fri, 14 Nov 2008 22:36:10 +0000

Somebody actually paid $50 to get the answer to this question on Google Answers. Seriously.

Man, and I thought I was desperate. I would have only paid like 25 bucks, tops.

The Habitation of Justice

November 21, 2008 - My Collection of News For Today

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If Only…

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What’s worth fighting for?

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Depression: The Enemy Within

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Looking for my Funkytown

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Coming to the end of all things

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“Will I ever meet the girl of my dreams?”

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