eHarmony needs to be declared a terrorist state and eradicated from existence.
Lincoln Adams | November 29, 2009 @ 11:25 amI know I’ve bashed eHarmony before, but this is the last and final time. Maybe.
For this last attempt and latest attempt in the world of online dating, I signed up for a discount special where I “only” have to pay $20 a month for 3 months. It was cheap enough that I figured what the heck, but of course after only the first month I was so disgusted that I wanted to cancel my subscription early. That’s when I found out that they would not refund the rest of my subscription since I had signed up under one of their discount specials, and as they clearly indicated on page 489, section 5G, Subdivision 23 of their terms of service (font needs to be enlarged by 200% to be readable), I am thus not eligible for a refund.
So I was stuck. I could cancel and lose money, or just keep it going until it finally expired, because hey, you never know right? … … …
Well today my subscription has finally expired, and here’s what I do know: I have amassed a total of over 800 failed matches. EIGHT HUNDRED. 800 land whales, man beasts, visa hunters, neurotic cracknuts and mothers with 5 kids looking for a new daddy, not to mention the horde of whores who closed me out because I wasn’t tall enough, rich enough, or didn’t have the courtesy of mentioning what car I drove. And then of course, the nonresponsive types that I would beg, plead and grovel to respond to a communication request I sent, and finally the nonpaying members with their stupid remarks at the end of their profiles: “Oh by the way I’m not a paying member, so even if you were my dream guy, I wouldn’t be able to contact you. Sorry!”
You know, if you tallied up my failed experiences with online dating since the beginning, I’m pretty sure it’s now over 1000. Seriously, at what point do I finally say, to #&*ing hell with this crap? I really thought online dating would be an answer to prayer. I wouldn’t have to go to bars or other seedy places with no other purpose on my mind than to get me a hottie. I wouldn’t have to go to church and raise my hand in worship while scoping the congregation for babes, only to realize that they’re all either 80 years old or married. At least on dating sites, I could find single women according to my personal preferences and beliefs. I didn’t have to make a shot in the dark on the distant hope that a complete stranger I met on the street would have everything I’m looking for. I didn’t have to worry that I would be judged and dismissed on my looks or preference for Old Navy clothes up front before a woman had a chance to know me. Online dating did away with all those potential roadblocks.
Well, no it didn’t.
What it introduced me to was the absolute worst humanity had to offer. Dating became akin to sifting through a Walmart circular, trying to find the best deals on products whose quality ratings were questionable at best. Women were discount grocery items that I would need to squeeze at times to see if they were still fresh, or just a little too ripe for my liking.
Is this really how I want to meet the girl of my dreams? That when people ask us how we met, I’d have to say it was through the Hoinky Boinkys R’ Us Dating Site for Stupid, Desperate Numbnuts? Pass.
So you know what, I’m done. I am DONE with this BULL 
.
I will never use an online dating site again. If I really want a NICE girl who is not bat guano crazy, I am just gonna have to get up off my lazy love biscuits and find her myself. And in the mean time I am just going to move on and live life the way I please. I’m not going to deprive myself of some of the great experiences life has to offer me just because I have no one to share that moment with.
I’ve been trapped in that thinking for too long, and it’s time now to turn over a new leaf and start a new chapter.
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Tags: dating site, dating sites, eharmony, online dating, profiles, scam, whores, women
Categories: Romance and Relationships
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16 Responses to “eHarmony needs to be declared a terrorist state and eradicated from existence.”
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Wow. Seems you got the shaft on that deal. I signed up for match.com and had to go through a WHOLE lot of frogs. After some major disgust, I finally came across a guy who wasn’t too far, and turned out to be a really good guy with a good heart. We’ve been married for over 9 years. He’s not perfect, but then, neither am I.
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You like Old Navy clothes??! That’s hot!
Seriously, I understand that many ppl have found their beloveds thru such vehicles, but getting yourself out in the social scene isn’t a bad idea, either, love.
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The Right One dating company in Salt Lake City takes a minimum of $3,000,00.00 in promise for a spouse. I know a friend who has lost over $5,000,00.00 to them in search of a man. All she met was 3 imbecillic people she is afraid to describe for fear of her own psychological distress.
The Right One seems to be the hand for eHarmony becuse they go through the same psychoanalytical deal that puts people in boxes. I say splatter their crap and let them slide in it.
‘Bout time!
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Yay! um…yeah, I think you’re far more likely to find someone going through friends, relatives and real life than you are at E-Harmony and their ilk.
Have fun looking!
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I think the odds between finding a decent person by running into them at the supermarket and finding them on a dating site are pretty much the same, except the supermarket is much cheaper. The whole thing is a disgusting scam.
Only thing about meeting women the traditional way is, I don’t have any friends. The only relatives are my parents, and they don’t have any friends either. I’ll just have to bet all my chips on real life instead.
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Time to think of developing friends? No wise cracks.
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Friends with who though, the fairy godmother?
Oh there I go again.
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I dont care that you shop at Old Navy…..but I do think you need to buy new underwear.
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I found my husband though a **free* on line service. I found that the pay ones attracted kooks and weirdos. Match.com was the worst for really bizarre people.
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Kooks and weirdos? Hey….I resemble that!
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You don’t have any friends at church? None of those eighty year old women have grandaughters “who would be just perfect for you”?
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I like my tighty whiteys thank you.
As for free services, I gave OKCupid and PlentyOfFish both a try. PlentyofFish was downright SCARY. I’m not kidding, I seriously think spending enough time on that site would prove to be more effective than chemical castration. OKCupid was better designed but was inappropriately smutty. Women either ignored my emails outright, or they would be interested for all of 5 seconds before blowing me off without rhyme or reason. In my experience I have found no distinction between the free or paid sites, which just goes to show just how much of a scam the paid sites are.
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You got to get out of The City man! I say, aim high! Start trolling the Hamptons for trust fund babies.
You can’t do any worse than you are doing now! 
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Hamptons?? You’re not helping me Sharkboy.
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” If I really want a NICE girl who is not bat guano crazy, I am just gonna have to get up off my lazy love biscuits and find her myself.” . . . by going to cooking classes, learn to SCUBA dive, join a book club, join a weekday Bible study — the operative word is “join” my friend.
Then again, I’m not married at 41, so feel free to ignore anything you’ve just read.
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I am NOT scuba diving.
Although a book club might be good, especially if they dig Dean Koontz novels or other likewise literary works with such disturbing imagery that they would never get a good night’s sleep again.
What? What I say?
Care to comment?
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