Did I land in Uranus?

So I wake up yesterday morning to the news that Captain Anus won the nobel peace prize and that Marge Simpson will pose nude for Playboy (Marge being a cartoon mind you from the Simpsons), and I’m wondering if somehow during the middle of the night, the aliens hadn’t abducted me and dropped me into an alternative universe where red means go and the New York Mets actually know how to win baseball games.

But anyhoo, Friday just wouldn’t have been a Friday without another commentary on the whack craziness that is online dating. This time it comes in the form of an email I got from a dating site I registered for but had long forgotten about:

My name is Shellie. I live in New York as well. I am 41, single, never married. I have 4 dogs.

I am 4’11, have a good figure but always feel I need to improve on it.

Being newly single again after a 10 yr relationship, I am looking for friendship, maybe more.

If this sounds appealing, please contact me.

Um…

What exactly was I supposed to find appealing, the fact that you appear to be looking for a boy toy, that you have 4 dogs, or that I’m obviously somebody you’d be dating on the rebound?

And seriously, who sells themselves as a dating prospect by virtue of how many dogs they have?

Yep, I’m gonna be single forever.

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