Craigslist is so NOT a cool place to find women
Lincoln Adams | August 6, 2008 @ 8:10 pmYep, I got another rejection letter lined up, this time in response to a Craigslist ad that I could swear I never posted, and yet somehow it got posted anyway. Don’t worry though, this is my last one because I am so, so, SO done with this whole dating-relationship crap. I am finally going full on Lone Ranger here, and bite me all of you who think I can’t be happy being single.
So anyways, why am I rejecting this one? Because dude, she totally looked like a guy. Seriously. She’s British though, so that might explain a few things, but still, dude, she really totally looked like a guy. Here’s my farewell email to her:
Dear Look-Like-A-Man,
I wanted to like you. I really did. But see, here’s the thing: you look like a man. A man wearing a pretty blonde wig, but a man nonetheless.
I can deal with plain looking women. I can deal with women who are overweight. I can deal with women who have disabilities and missing body parts (unless it’s the head maybe.) I can even deal with women who watch reality shows. I cannot however, in this life or the next, deal with a woman who looks like a man.
Even slightly mannish features creep me out in ways not even Richard Simmons could do. There’s just no way I could see myself embracing you intimately or puckering up to give you a kissy without my inwards screaming out, “MAAAAAAAAAAAAN!!!!!!!!!!”
So you see, it’s not you, it’s me. I do hope though that you will someday meet that special guy who thinks a mustache on a woman is sexy, and that the two of you will be very happy together. I however, must sadly follow another path.
So, best of luck to you, and here’s a little parting advice: do try to shave every now and then, ok?
Much love,
Lincoln
No of course I didn’t send it, but I was in a conundrum. I didn’t want to blow her off, but I didn’t want to tell her straight up that I was only interested in women who looked like women either, so what’s a stud like me to do?
Then a thought came to me: make her think she’s rejecting ME instead. Brilliant! 
So I did some surfing to find the dweebiest, weeniest photo that still looked authentic enough for me to use as a picture of “myself,” then wrote her a friendly email in which I casually mentioned being heavily in debt and living with my parents, but she needn’t worry, I worked a prestigious job as a low-level clerk, so it should only be just a few more years before I can finally move out on my own. Say, when I’m 36 or so…
Here’s the photo I used. Poor guy, whoever he is I hope he never sees this post:
It’s been a few days now and I have yet to receive a response from her. Dude, I awesomely rock.
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Tags: craigslist, dating, email, lone ranger, love, man, photo, rejection, rejection letter, single, women
Categories: Lincoln's Personal Log
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26 Responses to “Craigslist is so NOT a cool place to find women”
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This was the funniest blog post – EVAH! I was in tears from laughing.
I haven’t ever tried any of those online dating services or Craig’s List. They scare me. If you can imagine what the choices are in Mississippi, well… you get the picture.
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I can’t imagine it being any worse than the choices in these dark blue northeastern states.
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Well, just imagine looking at a bunch of people who look like your cousins. And maybe they actually are… hee-hee
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Fortunately I have no cousins.
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Who in the world wrote this rejection letter? Mrs. Swan from MadTV?!?!?!?!
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I admit it, she was my inspiration.
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Everytime I think you can’t possibly get any funnier, you surprise me by doing so.
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There may be a time when I won’t be able to top myself.
I hope that time never comes.
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Oh Lincoln, Lincoln, Lincoln.
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That was hilarious, brother!
Say, do you suppose her silence is because she’s taking time off to depilate and pick out a wedding dress? That pic you sent her might just be her dream kinda guy…
You never know!
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@Isaiah: Dude, I’d be up poopie creek if that was the case. Don’t even jest about that things like that.
FAIL
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I don’t think I like you anymore…
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Meh, you weren’t my type anyway.
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HAHA…Even though I am a totally girlie looking girl, I could see your point… Like that Seinfeld episode when that chick has man hands. Thumbs wayyy down.
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Oh yeah I remember that one! I also remember the one where he dumped a girl because she ate her peas one at a time.
“What’s the hurry??”
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Am I being bad again?
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staying single is the best route. i’ve been getting hassled now by a woman who i dated a few times then rejected me. now she wants me to be her knight in shining armor and give her $1,000 to get her car fixed. what friggin nerve!!!
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Tell her to go pound sand.
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What she said.
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LOL Your stories sound very similar to mine. Ahhhh dating… ’tis a wonderful thing!
I had to reject a guy because he smelled weird. (of course I didn’t tell him this) It wasn’t body odor or smelly shoes or anything… It was just a weird smell and his car was like that too. Kind of like when you go into someone’s house for the first time and it just has a scent you don’t like – nothing in particular.. just a weird scent. It just was way too distracting. Hell, I couldn’t stop smelling and thinking about it during the whole date.
I had to laugh at myself later for this because it reminded me of the movie “So I Married an Axe Murderer” where he broke up with girl because she smelled like soup. lol
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We must be where Seinfeld got all his material.
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I cannot wait to show my friend this. She’s got an ad on Craigslist …
Too funny for any more words!
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I take it that means she’s available then?
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Sure enough!
And rumor has it that even though she loves AZ, she’d be willing to move for the right guy. Meaning a MAN!
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Oh Yeahhh….
DAMMIT.
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