On the way home I stopped by a Starbucks drive-thru to get some hot chocolate. The intercom crackled to life, and I suddenly heard the sweetest, most soothing female voice:

“Hiiiiiii, welcome to Starbucks, what can I get for you?”

Oh sweetie, you have no idea.

“Ummm, could I get a hot chocolate, venti size?”

“Of course honey, would you like anything else?”

…honey… I was in love. I wanted to stay…..

The Valentine demon found me hiding under the bed and gave me a virus, so I’ve been pretty much out of it for the last few days. I’m feeling a bit better now though, so I went to check my email and found this little jewel waiting for me, sent by some girl on PlentyofFish.com who was interested in my profile. I think.

i dont know…..

Read the rest >>

This might come as a shock to you, but I hate Valentine’s Day.

Ever since Donna Costello kicked me in the shinny after giving her a Valentine card back in the third grade, I knew this holiday was going to bring me nothing but grief.

It got worse during my high school years when some evil bastard of a bastard came up…..

Here’s my working list of the things I might like to do for Valentine’s Day:

• Toss molotov cocktails into Hallmark stores.
• With a pair of scissors, walk into florist shops and snip off the top of all the flowers.
• Look for starry eyed couples playing suck face in public, approach them and ask the girl, “Thanks for giving me a deal on the trick the other night. Can we do it…..
  Read the rest >>

Here’s a collection of Anti-Valentine related quotes I’ve found around the web. I think I like the last one the best.

If it weren’t for you I’d be a different person, maybe even happy.

If your phone doesn’t ring, it’s me.

I’m so miserable without you, it’s almost as if you’re here.

You had me at HELL no!

Why don’t you slip into something more comfortable, like a coma.

I feel much better…..

Read the rest >>