This story was too good not to pass comment on:

A 70-year-old politician with a long and distinguished career behind him was facing embarrassment today after it was revealed his young wife had not only conducted an extra-marital affair but also made a sex tape. (Source)

See if we can follow the clear logic here: a woman (who is admittedly hot and who I’d smash like a whack-a-mole at the local carnival) decides that a 70 year old walking hippo of a politician is not really bringing the magic like she might have hoped. So naturally, the reaction would be the boink a meth head she meets via rehab. And then make a videotape out of it. Which of course, said film is now the subject of a possible blackmailing scandal.

Nothing says true love like have a sordid adulterous affair with a meth addict and then filming the whole thing after all.

And true to my form in somehow being able to take personal offense at just about any news or event I hear about, I find it curious that Fatty The Lardball McSpankypants Politician snags a girl 30 years his junior, and yet when I’m surfing dating profiles on Match.com, all the 30-34 year old female profiles I check make it abundantly clear they absolutely will NOT date anyone over 35. Because a one to five year difference in age is just too darned much to overcome in the name of wubs.

Apparently the key to finding love is either to wait till I’m 70 or simply take drugs and meet a hot babe in rehab. Such an obvious solution too, I don’t know how I missed it.

The Internet has been abuzz with speculation, but it looks like the announcement will be official tomorrow, January 11th, 2011 (in case you didn’t know what year it was.) After many years of plague and darkness, the iPhone is going to Verizon, and when it does, it’s going to be a game changer for me.

The timing is impeccable too, although the announcement is tomorrow, the iPhone Verizon release date is actually 2-3 weeks later, when it will finally be available for purchase. I’m under the New Every Two contract with Verizon which renews this week, just in time for me to put in an order using that discount rate. Yay!

Anyone who’s been following my blog with any regularity will know that I’ve been using a faux iPhone solution on Verizon by pairing an iPod Touch with a Wi-Fi enabled WinMo phone (a Samsung Saga.) While it worked, my WinMo phone still proved to be the most unstable piece of poopy crap I have ever had the displeasure of using. I mean, OMG. Endless crashes, an unfriendly user interface that intermittently refused to respond to commands, speed dials that would break at random, apps running as slow as a mud in a glacier, and then the days when the phone would temporarily brick itself and not even turn on. The love I had for the iPod Touch was only surpassed by the pure, unadulterated hatred I had for this evil Samsung phone. I will never, and I mean NEVER, buy a Windows Mobile powered phone again.

Besides that, when it DID work, the Wi-Fi drained the battery quickly, giving me only 2-3 hours of air time for me to use my iPod before it completely died on me. As a result I carried around extra AA batteries and a portable charger to help keep the phone going so I could use my iPod to surf the Internet. If the phone started to die I would quickly connect it to the charger, then toss the whole thing into my backpack, and every 2 hours or so I would replace the AA batteries in the charger with a fresh batch so it would keep charging the phone. It was all so terribly inconvenient, especially when someone calls me and disrupts the connection. I’ve often had to reboot my phone just to get its Wi-Fi going again after whatever call I took ended.

Because the iPod doesn’t have GPS built in, I also had to invest in getting a GPS cradle as well to really utilize it to its full potential. Everything that I’ve been doing for the past year, from geocaching, to checking into Whrrl, to navigating on the roads, to finding hotels to stay at via TripAdvisor, was all being done from my GPS powered iPod Touch, which was able to access Verizon’s network using my Samsung phone.

It was a crazy setup, and there were times when I was sorely tempted to take my chances with AT&T just so I wouldn’t have to use this piecemeal of an alternative solution that drove me nuts half the time, but two things stopped me: One, the iPhone wasn’t hearing aid compatible, and two, AT&T’s network is so horrendously bad that an iPhone on that network would have been like using a standalone iPod Touch anyway. For all the trouble I had using my piecemeal solution, whether I was at the deserts of Las Vegas or the mountains of New Hampshire, Verizon was rock solid wherever I went, and at times the connection was even better than a hotel’s Wi-Fi service. Using a solid network like Verizon had been absolutely crucial for making my travels around the country as pleasant and trouble-free as possible.

So to hear the iPhone going to Verizon, it’s like an answer to much prayer and tears. At last I won’t have to juggle an iPod, a GPS cradle, a cell phone, a battery charger and a stack of AA batteries around anymore.

At last, I shall be free! FREEEEEE!

Earlier I heard, “We might be getting a little rain Thursday.”

A little rain?? How about a flooping hemisphere’s worth of H20 threatening to bring about the second coming of Noah’s flood?

Holy… and because my job is considered “essential” I have to go out in this mess too. Awesome.

Not that I’m complaining mind you, given my synergistic relationship with violent storms, but Mommy might worry about me, and that I simply can’t have. Ah well. In any event this might be the perfect time for me to test out my new camera (a spanking new Canon s90), so I may go down by the Hudson to see if I can get some up close shots of the megastorm headed our way, then post the pics here. All for you, my beloved readers.

So I wake up yesterday morning to the news that Captain Anus won the nobel peace prize and that Marge Simpson will pose nude for Playboy (Marge being a cartoon mind you from the Simpsons), and I’m wondering if somehow during the middle of the night, the aliens hadn’t abducted me and dropped me into an alternative universe where red means go and the New York Mets actually know how to win baseball games.

But anyhoo, Friday just wouldn’t have been a Friday without another commentary on the whack craziness that is online dating. This time it comes in the form of an email I got from a dating site I registered for but had long forgotten about:

My name is Shellie. I live in New York as well. I am 41, single, never married. I have 4 dogs.

I am 4’11, have a good figure but always feel I need to improve on it.

Being newly single again after a 10 yr relationship, I am looking for friendship, maybe more.

If this sounds appealing, please contact me.

Um…

What exactly was I supposed to find appealing, the fact that you appear to be looking for a boy toy, that you have 4 dogs, or that I’m obviously somebody you’d be dating on the rebound?

And seriously, who sells themselves as a dating prospect by virtue of how many dogs they have?

Yep, I’m gonna be single forever.