One of the reasons it’s been so difficult for me to find dates is because I don’t have a very active social life (which is to say, I have no social life whatsoever to speak of.) I used to have a close knit group of friends that carried me through high school and beyond college for a while, but eventually we began to drift apart for various reasons, until…..

By being an absent-minded schmuck monkey, that’s how.

You know how you can opt for “cash back” when you use your debit card at the supermarket? I needed some cash so I could use the vending machines at work the other day, so I punched in for $10, took my receipt and groceries, then walked out. And completely forgot to take my $10.

And of course…..

But, yep, I’m still staying alive.

Even though my online moneymaking efforts have been a colossal failure, even though I’ll never find the girl of my dreams, even though I’m now typing this very post with my nose because my hands are still as numb as the feelings of a guy whose wife left him for another woman, I’m staying alive.

There’s just something…..

Well that’s assuming these whacko symptoms I’ve been experiencing lately is the result of having brain tumors. It would however explain my insanity too.

But let’s recap: It started off with my arm hurting like a son-of-a-female-dog (which I blame women for, and still do). Then my hands started feeling like they’ve been slathered with Novocaine. Then I get a neck sprain where…..

I went down to Best Buy the other day and grabbed the two latest Nancy Drew mystery games off the shelves (marked down too!), then made my way to the cashier.

The guy must have noticed how happy I was because he remarked dryly, “You must really like these games.”

“Um, they’re for my sister. It’s her birthday.”

“Sure.”

“She’s twelve,” I insisted.

“Sure.”

“Well, have a nice day,” I continued cheerily, then muttered under…..

A visitor to my blog sent this email:

Name: kunki

Message: I want to learn how to make money. Thank you

My response:

Dear kunki,

Get a job.

Warmest regards,
Lincoln

P.S. That advice didn’t come free. Please send me $10 payment via Paypal or I will send green monkeys after you.

I am a square peg trying to fit into the circle that is life.

At least that’s been my feeling lately. I’ve always had an eclectic personality that precluded me from being able to fit in anywhere, whether it was a church, a social club, or any kind of informal group that shared a common interest. While it made me unique, I do think there is such a thing…..