I only have one thing going for me right now: a steady plan to get myself completely out of debt by July 4th, 2009.  After that I’ll have a lot of wiggle room to move around and start searching for another job so I can move out of New York once and for all.

That is, if I can muster up the energy to do so, because right now it’s all I can do to even stay awake these days.  As much as I try to hope and believe a better future awaits me, I plunge so deeply in despair that I sometimes ask God to end my life.  I’m already past my prime and getting older, and with that there’s no prospect of finding a better career after having been in a dead end job for so many years.  Little to no chance of finding the girl of my dreams either, and healthwise I continue to get worse and worse.  I wonder if I don’t already have a cancer somewhere in my inwards that will soon put me out of my misery anyway.  Maybe that’s why I won’t see a doctor, so I can give it a chance to finish the job.  And of course with the coming economic holocaust and a government about to veer to the left of Stalin, it’s hard to find reasons to even stay alive anymore.

I can’t even blog because there is just nothing going on in my life right now, and the news just depresses me even more.  I guess I’m just in a really bad way right now, and I don’t know if I’ll ever get out of it.  Sigh.

So now that we’ve elected a mini-me version of the Antichrist, I think it’s high time I finally start working to move to a town that’s right for me.  A town that’ll keep me movin’ and keep me groovin’ with some energy. 

Even though I talk about it, talk about it, talk about it, talk about it…  I gotta move on. 

Seriously, I gotta move on.

Right now I’m going over which states might offer the best prospects, and I’m starting off with three basic requirements: the state should have no income tax, the gun laws should be flexible, and it should have lopsidedly voted against the communist demon of the underworld in the last election.

So far I have 5 options:

• Wyoming
• Alaska
• Tennessee
• Texas
• South Dakota

Climate and terrain wise I would prefer to live where there’s mountains and temperate seasons (the most important being autumn) AND little humidity.  VERY little humidity.  Seriously, there’s a reason why I refer to humidity as “Satan’s Breath.”  Just… no.

That puts Tennessee at the top for now, especially the eastern part where the Appalachian/Smokey Mountain range begins.  And since it’s the closest I’d be able to put together a road trip to visit the area and check it out.  The only remaining question is being able to find a job.  I have a background in computers and government and finished my undergraduate education a ways back, so I should be good for something besides shoveling horse manure, right?  What do you think?  Or should I try for another state?

As for the others, I like Wyoming because it has the Rockies, but again the problem is jobs, and it’s also out of driving reach.  I’d have to either fly or do a cross country trip just to scout the state.  Same deal with Alaska (as much as the thought of being near Sarah Palin thrills me), and the other 2 states, Texas and South Dakota.

If I remove the “no state income tax” requirement however, I have a few more options:

• Idaho
• Utah
• Oklahoma
• Nebraska
• Kansas
• Arkansas
• Louisiana
• Mississippi
• Alabama
• Kentucky
• West Virginia

I would drop all of the southern states because of the humidity and lack of mountains, but I hear the girls are so smokin’ hot in places like Alabama and Mississippi that I just have to keep these states on the list for now. 

Idaho and Utah might be good options, but I don’t particularly care for the high Mormon demographic.  It’s not that I hate Mormons or anything, I just can’t stand them.  Kansas and Nebraska have no mountains and seem boring overall, while Oklahoma might be too humid.  West Virginia is on the list, but I drove through the entire state once and the scenery was just awful.  Kentucky might be the best choice so far all things considered, but still, I have very little intel about any of these states frankly, which is why I’d like to visit them and see for myself.

In the meantime, what do you think is my best bet?  Let me know in the comments.  I’ll also include a poll too, because I’m awesome like that. 

Help me find my Funkytown!

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Death,

Surrounds us,

Draws us,

Time stands still,

Yet moves so quickly,

Alone,

Unwanted,

Unloved,

Darkness seeps in,

I am cold,

Am I alive, or am I a ghost?

I always get cheesed whenever a woman blows me off or treats me with utter and pointless disrespect, but when I really stop to think about it, I realize I’ve been treated by dudes the same way too, so this is pretty much par for the course as far as my experience with the human race goes.  Not that I’m into dudes or anything, but it would be kinda nice to find someone I could be B.F.F.’s with again, since it could help take the edge off the fact that I’ll never find the girl of my dreams because women have all become evil spawns of the devil.  Well, at least the ones in New York have.

I remember back when I thought I’d be attending law school, I touched bases with this guy from California.  Had a wife, several kids and a job, but felt “led” to pull up roots and head over to the eastern coast to pursue a career as an attorney.  At the time I was reading and studying several primers on the law to help me get started, so we traded a lot of emails about the law and about preparing ourselves for the fall semester.  Things went south for me so I ended up not attending, but he went on and started his first semester.  We still exchanged emails, and we had planned to do a live chat to work on a “fact pattern” so he could better prepare for his next class, and I was happy to help out since I wanted to get the hang of doing these fact patterns myself when it came time for me to start school as well.

And then I never hear from him again.  I still sent him an email every now and then, just wanting to make sure he was ok and that he was doing well, but even though I got his read receipts, I never did get a response.  I even sent him a Christmas e-card, which he of course picked up but never bothered to say thank you for.  And that was pretty much the end of that.

You know, it wasn’t even the fact that I was blown off inexplicably that frosted my rear so much, but the fact that this guy was supposed to be a Christian, and technically that meant I’m supposed to be his brother in Christ, right?  So where was the camaraderie or respect, or even just the simple fricking courtesy to acknowledge the help I gave him and maybe say thank you for it?  Is this the kind of people I’m going to be meeting up with in heaven too?  Great, spending eternity with a bunch of snotheads who were too good to give me the time of day on Earth.  Yeah I can’t wait.

Maybe it’s because I don’t attend church, but I usually have a much deeper sense of appreciation for fellowship than my church going dweebs do.  A lot of them just seem to flip it off like its meaningless.  Really, I don’t get the coldness.  It’s not even that it’s cold hearted,  but like, no feeling at all.

I know these things happen, and that’s life.  I get that.  People are jerks, but every now and then this jerkiness really, REALLY grates on my nerves, especially when there’s no rhyme or reason to it.  Maybe that’s why I like to antagonize people so much.  At least then when they hate on me I totally know why, and I’m cool with it.  Heck at times I even revel in it. 

But when I’m all sweetness and light and snuggly wuvables, yet still get treated like a compost heap in New Jersey, that’s when I get upset and start writing really bad things on bathroom walls.  There’s just no logic to such behavior, at least not one that’s apparent to me.  It’s the mystery, the not knowing why people go rogue like that that drives me nuts.  One minute everything is fine, the very next I don’t know which end is up, and the worse thing about it all is that I can’t learn from the experience.  I can’t figure out what it is I might have done wrong so that I could learn from it and move on from there if necessary.  But no, nothing.  Just the cold random encounters of life that brings me nothing but frustration and thoughts of mixed martial arts violence.

In a weird way, I guess that’s why I find comfort in being a badass who just loves to rub people the wrong way.  There’s something… safe about it, the security in knowing you’d never have to deal with the mystery of why people might hate you so much or disrespect you, unless they happen to see through the facade of course, in which case I’d be screwed totally. 

Dropped by the local 7-11 for a Big Gulp containing the usual 5 different flavors of soda, when I’m hearing one of the store managers singing “Feliz Navidad.”

“Awww man, please don’t sing that.”

He looked up.  “You no like song?”

“I hate it with every frickin’ fiber of my being.”

He just shrugged and went back to cleaning.  I went up to the cash register and dug out my wallet when the cash register starting singing the same song.

“Dude.  Seriously.”

“Don’t like song?”

“I think this is what they play in hell this time of year.  I swear this song was designed to mock the birth of Christ, and it’s not even in frickin’ English.  I hate it, I hate it, I hate it, I HATE IT.”

“You sound upset, yes?”

I sighed.  “I’m having a bad month.”  I dropped the change into their charity box.

“Happy Thanksgiving.”

I’ve been trying to decide what to blog about lately, but I got nothing here.  Seriously, nothing.  I’m off from work this week though, so I might chance a one day road trip somewhere just for the heck of it and blog about that, but other than that nothing’s happening.  I’m not getting any emails, no phone calls, no instant messages, no hot girls ringing my doorbell and telling me I’m the man of their dreams.  NOTHING.

So I turn to you, my beloved audience for some inspiration.  What would you like me to write about?  Suggestions, anyone?  Anyone?