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Koko Rides Pepsi Max to SXSW!

Written by on March 9, 2011
Filed Under Comedy

I got a HUGE stockpile of Pepsi Max after the supermarkets here had a sale on them, and since Pepsi Max is one of the sponsors of SXSW, it only made sense that I do a photoshoot of Koko getting his Texas on with the help of a few bottles of Pepsi in preparation for his upcoming adventure:

Koko the Cowboy surrounded by Pepsi Max Bottles

Koko poses with his new cowboy hat.

Koko lassos a Pepsi Max

Koko successfully lassos a Pepsi Max bottle. I'm so proud.

And yet it’s a perplexing mystery as to why I’m single. I mean seriously, look how much fun I can bring to the party.

Comments { 1 }

A Bear of a Laugh

Written by on August 23, 2010
Filed Under Comedy

It’s almost like BBC followed me around on of my last trips and decided to make a video out of it. If this doesn’t capture perfectly the kind of experiences I often have when I’m on vacation, down to the couple playing suck face in front of me at the beach, I don’t know what does.

Comments { 0 }

Lincoln’s Kryptonite

Written by on June 4, 2010
Filed Under Comedy

So I’m at work, and my coworker comes over and sees my plus sized slurpee I bought from 7-11.

“You know that thing’s gonna kill ya.”

“Nah. I’m invincible like Superman. There’s really only one thing on this planet that can kill me.”

“Oh yeah, what’s that?”

“Marriage!”

Comments { 1 }

This is what happens when you get bored

Written by on August 7, 2009
Filed Under Comedy

So I’m minding my own business when I get an IM on AOL from someone named FreeAssFreda:

[15:39] freeassfreda: hi! I saw your profile and ur a cutie! :)

[15:39] linc4justice: Hi, where do I know you from?

[15:39] freeassfreda: I’m actually working right now what are you doing exactly??

[15:39] linc4justice: working too

[15:39] freeassfreda: aww poor baby i wish you weren’t at work.. maybe sometime i can take ur lunch break and we can have some fun for 30 min.. lol

[15:40] linc4justice: possibly, lol

[15:40] linc4justice: which profile did you find of me? I have a few of them

[15:40] freeassfreda: nice, nothin I work from home just starting doing these cam shows :) It’s pretty fun actually lol

[15:40] freeassfreda: I am a little busy right now cant really talk here but I would LOVE if you came to watch and give me some company, and maybe a GOOD rating ??

[15:42] linc4justice: sure!

[15:43] freeassfreda: well I think i have my free friend’s pass lyin here one sec babe.. I mean would you want it??

[15:44] linc4justice: sure!

[15:44] freeassfreda: yup, I do got another pass left!..YAY.. just please don’t tell anyone else I can get in trouble. What color panties should I put on for you sexy, i’ll let you pick! LOL

[15:45] linc4justice: Ummm, pink?

[15:45] freeassfreda: pink is my favorite color

[15:45] linc4justice: Mine too, but only on girls :-D

[15:46] linc4justice: doesnt look as great on me

[15:46] freeassfreda: Ok, go to [link removed] scroll all the way down to the bottom babe, and you will see “friends of Megan”, click that and when you get the password page, put in the password: “daddy” okay?

[15:46] freeassfreda: yup, fill out your info, make sure you put your correct b-day k?

[15:46] linc4justice: No problem!

[15:46] freeassfreda: CC is just to verify your age hun,its the sites policy to ensure no minors get access to the site .. i gave u my free friend’s pass :)

[15:47] linc4justice: great, thank you!

[15:47] freeassfreda: ok let me know when you get in so I can invite you directly to my cam.

[15:49] linc4justice: I definitely will! And you’ll wear pink panties too?

[15:49] freeassfreda: pink is my favorite color

[15:51] linc4justice: I’m glad, but you’re definitely gonna wear the pink right?

[15:51] freeassfreda: pink is my favorite color

[15:52] linc4justice: I know, but you’re definitely going to wear pink right? I really have a thing for girls in pink, I don’t know why, just do.

[15:53] freeassfreda: k, you in yet babe?? Don’t keep me waiting!

[15:53] linc4justice: I won’t! Just filling out the form now. :)

At that point I thought “FAIL” and blocked her. I still don’t know if I was talking to a bot, some ugly dude from Pakistan, or a cam-whore just looking for business. I could be wrong, but I had the sinking feeling whoever it was wasn’t going to wear pink for me either. Ah well, it did make for an interesting chat on a boring afternoon though. :-D

Comments { 11 }

Why creepy men are ruining the Internet and must be destroyed.

Written by on December 28, 2008
Filed Under Comedy

Like a biblical plague devouring even the deepest corners of the Internet, creepy little dingalings are setting tech-savvy women on edge everywhere with their oh-so-creepy tweets, Facebook pokes, unwelcome emails and unwanted IM chats, and by doing so they have made it even more difficult for me to find my Cuddle Pot Bon Bon Bunny Cakes online.

I can understand now why many women would choose to put up avatars depicting a haggish looking 100 year old female who looks like she had been dug up and photographed for a museum exhibit instead of a real picture of themselves, or why they would say they’re married to an ex-Marine who keep a running scorecard of all the terrorists he kills (which would include people who look at his wife funny.)

Join an internet chatroom under the screen name “Butch123″ and you will go virtually ignored.  Join the same chatroom under the screen name “cutegirl115″ and you will have inadvertently kicked off the rock hiding the most disturbing elements of the cyber underworld, as every creepy horned up moochbag descends on you in the futile and ridiculously vain hope that they will somehow be able to seduce you with their 10 years out of date pickup lines, or the JPG images of them rubbing Mommy’s feet, or by impressing you their exciting recaps of adventures they’ve had in the past week, which would include being mugged by a gang of 8 year old boys, utterly oblivious to the fact that this is not the sort of thing that’s likely to make a girl swoon over them.

But still they press on, like the virginal roaches that they are, creeping over every nook and cranny of the Internet, writing pathetic little odes to the current object of their affection on their blogs, serenading women on Facebook with rock ballads that aren’t even from the 80s, or chest thumping their overinflated sense of manhood on Twitter while they chow down on Cheetos.

It is time for the madness to end.  It is time that we manly studs rise up and lay the ultimate who’s-your-daddy smackdown on our creepy counterparts.  They are a disgrace, pestilence, a blight on the human race.  Let us trample their Cheetos, break their XBoxes, and hack their Facebook profiles!  Let us crush their fragile little weenieballs with the mallet of our well earned machismo!

Let us take back the Net, not just for us, but for our wimmins, that they may reward us handsomely for saving them from these creepsters with lots of smoochies and coochie coos!

FREEDOM!!!!!!!

Braveheart

Comments { 13 }
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