Just received a PayPal payment from one of my ad networks:

ONE PENNY?

Here it is, a nice compromise between having a dark theme and accommodating those of you who simply MUST have a boring white layout with boring black text, because you’re color blind or have the eyes of a 90 year old or just like to bust my chops because you’re a petty vain creature who needs to seriously sit on something spiky and leave me the flip alone already.  Mother.

You have no idea what kind of work it took to go into the theme and hack some serious gibberish “What Drunk Monkey Came Up With THIS Crap?!?!” that we all know and love as PHP and CSS, just so I could make you guys happy.  I didn’t go all whitey though because it seemed too bright to me, so I toned it down a bit and modified the line height for the easiest readability.  Please tell me this looks alright to you or I’m just gonna have to go out and start kicking in the faces of those asstastic illegals who sit on the corner waiting for work and ruining the look of the neighborhood just by being ugly.

Come to think of it I’d be doing that anyway even if I was in a good mood. 

But seriously, let me know what you think.  I also finished embedding the Gallery script into my blog here, so I can now upload albums of photos and even video/audio content as well.  Super cool.  I love to keep everything in house instead of seeing my junk being exclusively shipped out to content stealers like Flickr and YouTube, so being able to get this working was a godsend.  You know how the US Army uses the slogan “Army of One?”   Well consider me the Social Media Network of One.  Why?  Because I am just too awesome to participate in third world networks like MySpace and Facebook. 

I think that pretty much wraps it up as far as the upgrade goes.  I may play around with AJAX a little to see if I can enhance some features here, but it already seems like overkill to me.  Plus I really need to go out and get some sun after having been up my blog’s rear end for over a week now. 

BOOYAH!

It’s time to not only celebrate my blog relaunch, but my two year blogging anniversary!!    And dude, the video totally captures the moment here.  I’m talking a blog wrecked to death, only to come back stronger, sleeker, and totally badass with some badass music cranking in the background and leather jackets and cool black vintage cars cruising the highway and let us go have a throwdown and kick some serious scum of the earth hellbags because baby,  I am back!

Yeah, I’m a little excited here. 

But really, what I just pulled off was a miracle that only God could have given me, and I now have the latest version of WordPress along with a new Who-is-your-DADDY theme that is all kinds of awesomeness. 

I still need to work out a few kinks and decide on a new photo gallery to use, but for all intents and purposes the site is now live, with a sleeker, faster look and a few new bells and whistles I think you’ll all enjoy.   For an idea of what’s new, see the little oval thingie jiggy to the right of each post title?  Go give that a click.

Cool, huh? 

In addition, you’ll now be able to edit comments as well.  I also dropped a few plugins, added a cache system and went with a 2 sidebar look again to reduce clutter.  Yes the ads are still there, but they are no longer as obtrusive as they used to be.  To be honest I got tired of having a larded up ad block embedded inside my posts, partly because I couldn’t quote or post any media content on the fly.  The ad would jam it up and I’d have to manually remove it in order for the post to show cleanly.  Not cool.  But I still need the ads though, since the 50 cents I’m making a day is paying for my newspaper, and I just don’t know how I could live without those two quarters a day, ya know?

As for the dark theme, I’m working on creating a white backdrop just for the posts and comments for easier reading (while still maintaining a dark look), so stay tuned there.  I might have gotten it done sooner but the theme kept overriding my color settings.  Regardless, let me know what you think.

It wasn’t easy though, but I got through it, and now I can finally enjoy the fruits of my labor…. except of course, Google just had to rain on my parade by dropping my pagerank from a 4 to a 3 while I was busy upgrading.    Really Google, why don’t you just suck my ass times a thousand?  Dweebs.

But meh, whatever.  I finally made a leapfrog in upgrading without having to spend a fortune to have a designer do it, my sleek black car will get a nice facelift and wax job by the end of the summer, and in a few more months I’ll be out of debt,  cruising the road and enjoying my new lease on life.  All I’ll need then is a weathered black leather jacket, and my life will truly be complete. 

“Let me just update this one file here….”

Sigh.

I had to go update a plugin last night because of a security hole, but unfortunately that update caused another plugin to break, so I had to go upgrade that plugin as well, which of course caused yet another plugin to break, so I went to upgrade that too, and before I knew it my spam blocker goes down in flames, I can’t preview comments anymore, my images no longer show up, my sidebars suddenly disappears, and then finally my entire blog goes up in smoke, the only thing left in its place being some cryptic error message telling me what an idiot I am and hahaha I suck.

Mother*&^% technology.

Things seem to be ok now, but my goodness, I was up till 4AM last night and had to work through the better part of today before things finally calmed down.

You know what, I think it’s time I gear up for a major revamp. I was gonna just say screw it and have a professional designer do it, but I think it’ll probably be better to set up a test blog closed from the public so I can play around with the latest blogging toys without tearing my hair out and spitting at people, and then when it’s stable enough I can release it for prime time with little fuss. That should also keep me busy enough so I don’t waste my time pining for a girl to love me since that’s never gonna happen because women all suck the ass of a hairy moose and should die in some horrible nuclear explosion bunch of monkey-faced harlot whores they be.

*ahem* Except my beloved womenly readers of course, who are all the very essence of perfection, virtue, and beauty.

See how I suck up to you guys so you’ll continue to love me and read my blog despite my crazy wild women-hating rants? I am so awesome.

Remember those upgrades I said my host would be doing waaaaay back in March? They finally got around to doing it today. My server is now running PHP5 and MySQL5, and so far the only hiccup was a useless module I was using for Commission Junction that caused a fatal error and prevented my blog from loading. But since I don’t use their affiliate network anymore I got rid of it and my site immediately came back online again. I haven’t noticed any other errors, so I think it’s safe for me to breathe again. Yay!

I have another post lined up too, just need to finish polishing it before uploading it. Too tired to do it now though, but I promise I’ll post it first thing tomorrow… errr today. Whatever.

The question for the ages.

Actually I’ve been working behind the scenes trying to boost my traffic levels (with less than stellar success I might add), and also working to get another ad network going to fill my ad spaces. I’m actually amazed by the income ratio I’m seeing so far. If it continues to hold, my eCPM would be around $10, meaning for every 1000 pageviews this blog gets I would earn $10. It’s not earth shattering by any means, but considering the typical eCPM for those who use Google Adsense is around $1 to $2, it’s not bad either. My goal is to eventually net around $40 a day (or $1250 a month), so I’ll have to continue my efforts to boost my eCPM and bring more traffic in.

Speaking of which, there is one more thing I can try, sort of like a last ditch effort to bring in the level of traffic I want, but it’s EXPENSIVE, and it still requires a lot of work. The good news is I can use my previous blog earnings to pay for the first month (it’s done on a subscription basis), and if the results are effective, the higher ad revenues that result should be enough to front the costs and still net me a profit.

Maybe. If it fails, I’ll pretty much will have lost all the money I’ve ever made via blogging up to this point. Ah well, I’ll just have to believe that fortune will continue to favor the brave.

And the reckless.