I’m sorry for going on this long stretch of whiny crybaby wailing over my online dating experiences recently, but I’m planning to get back on the road next month (either Tennessee or anywhere but here), so I do see a light at the end of the tunnel. Too bad I have so little drama in my life that I don’t have much else to write about, amirite??

Anyhoo, after spending the usual afternoon sifting through eons of profiles, this one caught my eye:

I’m a 24 year old with a lot ahead of her but no one by her side. I am an artsy person with a love of languages and culture. I would love to travel someday with someone who appreciates culture as well and how other people live in the world. I also love to help people and I’m looking for that quality in a guy as well. Someone who won’t scoff at me if I’m heading out to visit someone in a nursing home or take a dish of food to a struggling family etc.

Above all else, I am looking for a kind and caring guy who isn’t afraid to show me his feelings and is dedicated and loyal. I love love love humor in guys and I don’t think I could be with someone who is always serious. There is a time and place for that of course but I like a geeky/goofy guy for sure. I never grew up in the spotlight, I was the middle of 5 siblings and have only had 1 boyfriend which lasted 2 years in the time since High School.

It’s not indicated here, but elsewhere she describes herself as shy and introverted as well.

I knew I had a type, but I seriously didn’t believe my type existed, that it was just a fantasy conjured up by wishful thinking. You see enough dating profiles and you believe women as a whole only want a particular flavor of guys, that is, men who are tall, dark and handsome, ambitious, knows what they want in life, very active outdoors and equally as active on the social scene.

You know, everything I’m not.

But then I read a profile like this and I realize not only does my type of girl potentially exist, but it’s possible that I could be the type of guy they are looking for too.

Kinda brightened my day, reading this. Yes, I sent her an email. No, I don’t expect a response. But still, it does grant me a sliver of hope, and I guess that’s enough for now.

I have the hat.

Last Friday was a weird day.

After plugging away on 3 dating sites, it finally got to that I was trading emails, texts and IMs with 8 women in one day, one of who actually got back to me after I viewed her profile and sent her a message.

Of the 8, I was only attracted to 3 of them, the rest of them had contacted me first and I was pretty much just stringing them along (cuz I’m kind of a douche.) They all complimented my profile though and how funny I was, and I didn’t want to just blow them off after they had said such nice things, so I just tried to be polite as I could.

I think they all got the clue that I just wasn’t that into them though, as I hadn’t heard from them for 2-3 days nows. Whew. Dodged that bullet. :-D

Of the 3 I WAS attracted too, 2 were overweight, but OMG, just as cute as a pail full of kittens. Let it never be said that I never go for overweight girls, so suck it you people who think I’m being picky. :-P

Anyway, one was in Florida, and our texts were pretty clipped. I could tell she was just humoring me, but at least she was texting me, so there’s that. Another one sent me an email but that was pretty much it. The last one was the most promising, she was from Dallas, had an adorable face and worked in a similar profession. Her emails came across as pretty shallow though, not much of a deep thinker and a bit self-absorbed. I tried to keep it up but it was clear the distance was an issue and she wasn’t one to use the computer much, so it eventually fizzled as well.

And now… I have a local gothic chick chasing me. Cute, but the pic of her standing in front of a shrine to some demon named Babalawanakillu (or something) has me a bit apprehensive. Not seeing a white picket fence future with her either. Oh and a bisexual looking for a fling too. Because if there’s one thing New York (particularly Long Island) does better than anyone else (including Austin), it’s dishing out teh CRAZIES.

Ugh.

Still, I couldn’t believe I was chatting with over 8 women in one day, and I found the experience exhausting. I don’t know how the players do it. They must feed off that somehow like a leech, but for it was emotionally draining, especially as each interaction eventually fizzled out due to lack of interest or common ground, or even just the distance between us.

That’s another thing I learned, how extremely difficult it would be to forge any kind of long distance relationship because of the effort needed to keep her interested in me, at least until she’s emotionally invested in making it work. I’m better off keeping my searches local.

…. Except that the locals here are out of their freaking minds. Must be the water.

Update: Apparently I’m getting so old I can’t even count anymore. It’s not 23 years, it’s actually 27. O_O And I was so looking forward to celebrating the silver anniversary too by hanging myself. 

It all started when Margie Otta kicked me in the shinny after I gave her a Valentine’s Day card back in the third grade. I even remember what it said: ”You are my super star!”

Who knew that would only be the first of many, many, many, MANY rejections I would experience over the course of my life? (BTW, I think any grade school teacher who forces her students to participate in Valentine’s Day festivities is engaging in a form of child abuse. I really should lobby Congress, or something.)

So how did I manage this incredible feat of going loveless for 23 years? I think part of it was that I don’t fall in love easily. I experience attraction plenty of times, but I usually don’t follow through on it because there’s no IT factor. As for what IT is, I couldn’t tell you, only that only handful of girls have had IT to the extent that I became hopelessly infatuated with them. First it was Margie, then another girl in 5th grade, then a girl in 7th grade, then a few handful in high school and college. All of which were unrequited and ended tragically. Or comically, depending on how you looked at it.

I don’t know why I never played the numbers game, as in, if I simply asked enough cute girls out, somebody would have been bound to say yes, and the streak would have finally ended. But for whatever reason I was either too terrified to ask, or held out under the belief that THE one dream girl would soon present herself in some magical fashion, such as landing in my living room on a unicorn and presenting herself to me with cookies and ice cream.

It was not to be though, and eventually, enough time had passed that I had gone from thinking “plenty of time to meet someone” to “I’m too old to meet anyone now.”

I’ve become such damaged goods just by virtue of never having a relationship that I am only desirable to the undesirables, that is, those women who are now scraping the bottom of the barrel after they’ve unsuccessfully tried everywhere else. Such a nice feeling to knowing I’m the guy women settle for out of resignation, not the guy they actually wanted in the first place.

True love, baby.

Oh well, more Godiva chocolates for me then.