Lies, betrayal, and deceit at long last put the final nail in the coffin of my law school dreams.
Well I wanted an answer, and after 18 months I finally got it in spades. When it happened, my anger once again reared its ugly head as I began to shake my fist at God for all the grief He’s allowed me to endure, but afterwards I began to resign myself to my fate. In a way I’m glad it’s over. While I may be destined to drift through life with no sense of purpose or meaning, I was at least relieved of the trauma 3-4 years of law school would almost certainly have brought me.
But after taking communion and reflecting on the events of the past week, I was directed to read Psalms 73 and Psalms 92, verses that talk about God taking vengeance on our enemies. So maybe this isn’t quite over just yet.
In any event, I wonder why I had to enter my thirties still without any clue as to what career might best suit me. I grew up falling in love with the notion of solving mysteries and clearing cases, and because of it I always thought law enforcement was where I belonged. For whatever reason I loved the idea of justice, of being the guy who could help put right where people did wrong. The shows I watched and the books I read all fed my passion of uncovering hidden truths, exposing lies, solving crimes, and of course, catching the bad guys.
I started college with my heart set on what I thought was the right profession. I had dreams, aspirations, and eagerly looked forward to a promising future in the career of my choosing. I saw myself being well established in the profession by the time I turned 30, married to the love of my life, and perhaps even a father to several wonderful children.
Instead, graduation from college would see me become unemployed for almost 2 years, then evicted illegally onto the streets, and finally trapped in a dead end job as a no name clerk. At 30 years of age, I had accomplished nothing. I was a failure. I was nothing more than a vagabond with a job, a helpless prey to my enemies.
It was evident that only God could salvage the mess that I had made of my life. And it is what I hope for, in spite of all the fist shaking.
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Have you thought about finding another job with an equivalent pay, which would allow you the flexibility you need?
I’ve broached the idea before, but it would be hard to leave a job that offers the kind of benefits this one does. I have the best health care in the state, work only 33 hours a week with a full time salary, and I’ll soon get longetivity pay. There’s a lot of perks, even if the job itself does suck.
What I could do is transfer to another division, but they’re hard to come by. I may just have to wait and see while I continue to explore what my options are.
Found your site today. Interesting reading. Keep the job for the
benefits and such. Your crime-solving ability and desire sounds like
you might make a good investigative reporter….
@abelle: Thanks for your comment! I’ve always liked to investigate, but I don’t think journalism would be a good fit for me, unless it was independent. Reporters are the only breed worse than lawyers.