Is it me, or does it seem like women are getting married at earlier and earlier ages these days? Or am I just getting older and older?

I blame Christians for this (naturally), particularly those within the Bible Belt who push to get their daughters married by the time they’re 18, so by the time they’re 25 they will have already loaded themselves down with 7 kids and done their part to keep God’s army of little cherubs going. Don’t get me wrong, I love kids, but honestly, how many of these disgusting little snotbags does a family really need to have anyway?

#%$ Christians.

But I guess if I wanna up my chances of meeting a nice, Christian girl, then I’m gonna have to catch them young. Really young. Like maybe before they graduate high school young. Yet another reason why the teaching profession appeals to me.

Of course they’ll probably still have dweebish boyfriends then, but I can clear that hurdle easily enough once I home in on some cute girl who has potential, then it’s just a matter of cornering her dork beau in a dark alley somewhere and wailing on him until he promises never to call or go near her again.

And when she’s depressed and lonely and wondering why her pimple faced sweetheart doesn’t love her anymore, I’ll be there to give her all the comfort she needs.

Of course I’ll probably only be able to enjoy the relationship for about 5 minutes before I get tossed into the slammer. Ah well, life can be so cruel sometimes.