A visitor to my blog sent this email:

Name: kunki

Message: I want to learn how to make money. Thank you

My response:

Dear kunki,

Get a job.

Warmest regards,
Lincoln

P.S. That advice didn’t come free. Please send me $10 payment via Paypal or I will send green monkeys after you.

I am a square peg trying to fit into the circle that is life.

At least that’s been my feeling lately. I’ve always had an eclectic personality that precluded me from being able to fit in anywhere, whether it was a church, a social club, or any kind of informal group that shared a common interest. While it made me unique, I do think there is such a thing as being TOO unique, ya know?

Not that I minded being a loner too much, but I hated the fact that my life (with all its eccentricities) all but guaranteed that I’d never find anyone who could really understand who I was as a person. Sure, they might be able relate to one aspect, but then find another aspect of me so totally foreign to them that it scares them off. And trust me, I can be a very scary person, indeed.

There have been times when I tried to simply fake my way into a community’s good graces, but it never seems to last long. Whether it’s trying to cheer for a sports team just so I could relate to their fans (Let’s go Mets!! LET’S GOOO METS!!! LET’S GOOOOO… ah they suck), or whether it’s trying to relate to the Deaf community (where I’d be shunned simply because I’m not deaf enough), or whether it’s feigning “getting slain in the spirit” at a holy roller church so as not to draw suspicion from the congregation, there just seems to be no place on earth where I could truly feel at home.

I’m either too conservative or too liberal, too Christian or too atheist, too normal or too weird, too smothering or too distant, too emotional or too cold. Whatever it is that separates me from the rest of humanity, I either have too much of it, or not enough.

Is it ever going to be possible for me to meet a girl who could understand me through and through, or at least enough of me so that I don’t completely freak her out? Or am I really destined to walk this earth alone until death finally puts me out of my misery?

I believe I can survive without a large support group of any sort, but I don’t think I could carry on without the love of a good woman who could be both my lover and best friend. It seems sappy, but of all the agony and suffering I’ve endured in this life, this one always hurts me the most.

Oh well… there’s always castration.

…if I were an Anime cartoon?

Evil Woobie had been pestering me to make an accurate Anime avatar of myself using this avatar making tool, and as much as I HATE Anime (I mean truly, unequivocally HATE it), I finally relented and went to work. I figured this might be a good compromise for those of you who have been yammering lately for me to post a photo of myself, but as we all know, Anime is so darned realistic looking that uploading something like that instead would be just as good an alternative.

So, without further ado, here is what I look like, Anime style:

The hair, slightly bushy eyebrows, wide brown eyes and trademark smirk are all pretty accurate, including my wardrobe of dark blue jeans, black boots and leather blazer, and yep, I just had to throw the cute girl in there for good measure. The sword by the way is to protect my honey snuggles.

Hmmm, truth be told, this would have only been a good spot-on depiction of me if I was still like… 13 years old.

Claire Bear (oops make that Dr. Claire Bear) tagged me with a meme (which longtime readers know is usually a sure prelude to much violence, ranting and whining on my part), BUT… I’ll give her a pass her since it’s a musical meme, which is right down my alley and just the thing needed to calm the savage beast.

The meme calls for taking 19 of your most favorite songs, burning them on 5 CDs to share with 5 other people(?!?!), then posting the playlist on your blog.

Uh, I think I’ll just mention my Top 19 and y’all can take it from there.

The first 10-15 songs were pretty easy to fill, mainly songs I first heard during my high school years that would profoundly shape my musical tastes over the years. I’ve always been a romantic at heart, so it made sense that I’d be drawn to music that expressed the highs and lows of my sometimes turbulent emotions.

The last 4 took some thought, since I was still over by about 5 songs and had to knock a few off the list. Some of the casualties were songs by the Platters, Gloria Estefan and Fleetwood Mac.

After even more consideration, I finally managed to winnow it down to 19 songs, so here they are, The Habitation of Justice’s Top 19 Songs of All Time Playlist, in alphabetical order:

• All Out of Love - Air Supply
• Best of Times - Styx
• Broken Wings - Mister Mister
• Desperado - Eagles
• Every Breath you Take - The Police
• Everything I Do (I do it for you) - Bryan Adams
• Faithfully - Peter Cetera
• Free Fallin’ - Tom Petty
• Glory of Love - Peter Cetera
• I Still haven’t Found What I’m Looking For - U2
• I Wish It Would Rain Down - Phil Collins
• King of Pain - The Police
• Mandolin Rain - Bruce Hornsby and the Range
• Open Arms - Journey
• True Colors - Cyndi Lauper
• When A Man Loves A Woman - Percy Sledge
• When You Love A Woman - Journey
• Worthless Evening - Don Henley
• You’re The Inspiration - Chicago

Update: HOLY COW I can’t believe I accidentally cut out REO Speedwagon’s “I Can’t Fight This Feeling” AHHHHHH, that easily would have made my top 5 list too! OK, scratch off ummm…. Percy Sledge for REO and that should do it for my Top 19.

I recently found a site called Twitter Local, which offers a way to generate an RSS feed that filters out tweets around a certain area. Who knows, I might be able to find a nice girl I could get together with for snugglies and lubs this way.

I narrowed the search parameter to within five miles, and the first Twitterer I found went by the name of Kristin, who describes herself as a “semi-geek lesbian transsexual in early stages of transition.” These were her latest tweets:

god nigt mfers

bad goddeie

fg**k you all. fk*k me.

beotch

and i dot care what u thingk about

yeah i know i am f**ked up andtalkxng shic bit ig have coood reason andi i dont core

f**k b ush, bugfk society, f**k men

I need to get out of this town.

No words, just, no words. After this job has given me so much anger and grief and pain, they finally hammered the last nail in my coffin. I am now unemployed, with no means to pay the bills or the rent, and the rent is due in only 5 days. I don’t know what to do. I have no savings and no means to fend for myself.

My life is over.

I don’t want to live anymore. I’m tired of fighting, tired of failing, tired of never amounting to anything. Tired of being alone, tired of being rejected. How can I even blog anymore? This whole blogging experiment was a colossal failure as well. In fact everything I do ends up in failure. I hate myself more than anything and just want to die. The pain is finally too much for me to bear…
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Just kidding. Happy April Fool’s Day!