When There’s Nobody to Kiss My Booboo

Ever since I’ve began to get some feeling back in my hands once I started tying up icepacks to them, a thought occurred to me.

Women are to blame for all of my health issues.

Wait, I’m going somewhere with this. See for guys, when it comes to taking care of ourselves and improving our general health, we’re pretty much… what’s the word, a bunch of schmucks.

We could wake up with the left side of our bodies completely paralyzed, but as long as it doesn’t stop us from getting our clothes on and driving to work, we won’t really think much of it, the same way we won’t concerned much if a car backblows 3 quarts of oil out its exhaust pipes, as long as its considered otherwise drivable. Minor things like half body paralysis (or a black cloud of smoke bellowing out of the engine of a car) don’t really bother us too much, so long as we can still get from Point A to Point B.

Women though, have this tendency where if they so much as suffer a mild discomfort, they’ll go into a complete system shutdown while they conduct extensive full body scans to determine what’s going on. But more importantly, they’ll do that for the people they love too. It’s what helps them make great mothers and doctors.

Unfortunately for me though, Mommy thinks I’m quite old enough to take care of myself now, yet I still have to reminded that there are things out there such as bandages and Tylenol, so no, I don’t have to go to bed with unbandaged scrapes oozing blood onto the spreadsheets, or wail over a pounding headache that a little Motrin IB could have fixed up right away.

Had life not have been so cruel, had I met a special girl early on, she could have kept me healthy, bandaged up my wounds, and kissed all the booboos, especially the one that was in my heart. So I blame women, (or rather the absence of one), for my current plight. You could have fixed me up and made me a better man, but instead, all that’s left of me now is a wounded rabid animal hellbent on ridding this planet of your vile kind. May the skies rain down hellfire and brimstone on all you filthy harlots of Babylon, all because one of you just couldn’t wubs me.

YOU GIRLISH MANIACS!!!! DAMN YOU!!! DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL!!!!

Planet of the Apes - You Blew It Up!

Tags: booboos, girls, guys, health, healthy, love, men, sick, women, women suck
Categories: Romance and Relationships

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11 Responses to “When There’s Nobody to Kiss My Booboo”

dr_clairebear wrote a comment on April 30, 2008 @ 01:11:am
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men suck at health-seeking behaviour, honestly. :eyeroll: you shouldn’t have to have people nag at you to get medical attention - it’s counter-productive! besides, when men are nagged at, they just do the opposite to be contrary. :wife:

i really think you should see your doctor for an initial evaluation, at least. trust me, i am doctor and this advice is free! :guns:

Mrs. Mecomber wrote a comment on April 30, 2008 @ 08:52:am
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You’ve been reading the book of Revelation again, I see. :whistle:

If it’s any comfort, I HATE doctors and my hubs is always nagging at me to go. I rarely listen to him. P.S. And I hate shopping, I hate shoes, and I hate pink. See? Not all women are complete morons!

Casey wrote a comment on April 30, 2008 @ 09:15:am
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We have this saying in the south…Cowboy Up. This has a totally different meaning than it does in places like Brokeback Mountain, Minnesota. But basically…you don’t need someone else to fix your life…and actually, they may actually make it worse, until you just suck it up, and go take care of yourself, and make your life the way you want it…maybe then some pretty little thing will gleefully bounce around attached to your arm while you take care of “stuff” for her. Women want to be taken care of…not to take care of people.
Sad, but true… they want you there when their head hurts…not the other way around.

Lincoln Adams wrote a comment on April 30, 2008 @ 12:18:pm
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@Casey: yep, they want to be coddled and taken care of so they can sit home and talk to their girlfriends all day, but they’re utterly unwilling to offer anything in return. Sounds like a great deal. :tongue:

One follows the other though. If she takes care of me, it means I’ll be healthy enough to take care of her. It’s a two way street. Such a simple concept, and yet apparently to every single woman within a hundred mile radius, the only virtue I can offer is to be a human ATM machine.

Women were created in part to be a helpmate for men. And you know what, I really could use a little help right now, dammit to hell. F*&%ING women. :rant:

Franklin wrote a comment on May 3, 2008 @ 02:29:pm
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Sadly, there comes that time in Life when we, as males, must take care of ourselves. I agree with the doc, go see your doctor.
As for, Mrs. Mecomber, I’m not certain that is really a female! Hates shoes??? Hates pink??? How can this be?? LOL

kalen wrote a comment on May 3, 2008 @ 05:13:pm
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you’re absolutely hilarious.

Lincoln Adams wrote a comment on May 3, 2008 @ 05:38:pm
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Oh man, if I could just hear you say that with your sexy, Southern accent, I’d be yours forever sugar honey.
:flowers:

:ggrin:

Cheryl wrote a comment on May 3, 2008 @ 05:59:pm
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You poor sweet boy.

seo wrote a comment on May 4, 2008 @ 12:40:pm
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he he he you have just made my day. So true!

Lincoln Adams wrote a comment on May 4, 2008 @ 05:37:pm
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@Franklin: Working on it. I think my best approach would be to find a health provider directory that offers the age and marital status of all the female doctors in my area who specialize in neuropathy.

One must seize opportunity everytime one has a chance. :ggrin: