My Arm Hurts - I Blame Women
Lincoln Adams | February 5, 2008 @ 12:57 amI tend to use a lot of pillows to elevate my head so I can sleep, but I may have been using one pillow too many since I twisted my neck the other night, which must have caused a pinched nerve because now the whole left side of my body is giving off a dull, annoying ache.
For this I blame women.
You see, if I had a girl in my life, then I wouldn’t need to use 100 pillows for leverage so I can get just comfortable enough to fall asleep. All I’d need is the love of a good woman with her arms wrapped around me and my head on her shoulder, and I’d never have trouble sleeping again.
But noooooo, y’all women had to go and marry someone else, or live too far away, or spit in my eye because I opened a door for you, or report me to the police because I called you at 2AM in the morning just to see how you were.
So now instead of getting a good night’s sleep, I’m sitting in my uncomfortable hard as a rock chair here with a heat blanket on my arm, a massager set to max that’s beating the hell out of my back, and just about passing out from breathing in the pungent smell of Tiger’s balm. And my arm still hurts like a son of a b….
All because of you despicable, utter, vile, good for nothing heartless spawns of Satan women. I hate you. Die, women, die.
*&%# man, my arm…..
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Tags: ache,pillows,pinched nerve,sleep,women suck
Categories: Romance and Relationships
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20 Responses to “My Arm Hurts - I Blame Women”
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Get one of those pillows that is made especially for neck problems. You really think you’d be comfortable sleeping with your head on a woman’s shoulder? That’s an old wive’s tale. It lasts about a half an hour and then you’re back to your side of the bed
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switch teams. Problem solved.
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Nuh uh! *I* am a romantic. I will always snuggle in the bosom of my beloved before drifting off to never never land.
@Casey: You go first.
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Nah, I’ve already committed to my team…although I’m flattered by the offer. And Writes is write…although I’d say an hour is rarer for me…few minutes of snuggling and then I turn over and scoot to my side of the king size bed. It’s actually pretty difficult to fall asleep with someone laying on you.
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Man rough… hopefully you’ll get some sleep
One thing to consider when you are married and share a bed… snoring and the stealing of the covers… that can bring about some “intense fellowship” with your spouse.
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You know, maybe it’s the bed. It’s a standard twin size so if I roll once I’m already on the floor. It’s the only thing that will fit in my apartment though.
For this I still blame women. I don’t know how, but somehow they’re responsible for my misery.
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maybe a new suga-daddy buy you a new bed.
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Sugar Mama would be better.
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Gee, Linc, if it’s all about getting a good night’s sleep then maybe you ought to consider renting a woman for the evening.
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EVERY night? You know how much that would cost me???
Actually, that may end up being cheaper for me than just marrying someone.
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hey! far too often it’s the other way around and men are usually the ones who cause us womenfolk too much misery!
on the subject, last Christmas, my sibs and i gave my dad this memory pillow that cost us a pretty penny, but he says that it really helps him sleep. that could help with your sleeping problems a bit. or perhaps you can buy one of those microbead foam teddybears to hug at night.
i’m curious… why aren’t you dating anyway? to think i used to think guys have it easier…
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Linc…every night? Seriously? Once that honeymoon week is over, every night turns into like…every 2 weeks. Ask a Sidewalk Hostess if she has a bimonthly special.
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Try memory foam pillows — or better yet, a memory foam mattress…those work GREAT (take it from one who has had experience!)
http://eyespi20.com/?p=338
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I’ll have to look into those memory pillows, but good thing is my arm feels much better now.
Well dear, that’s a long, sad and tragic story that I’ll have to share another day.
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WHATEVER. If you’re anything like MY man, you’ll just cuddle with a body pillow instead of your woman!
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I have to admit, it would be tough to give up my pillow girlfriend in exchange for a real woman.
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I blame men.
I blame them for my not getting any sleep. I spend my nights online blogging, finally crawling into my cold, way too big of a bed at 2 or 3 AM. Then I get back up at 6:30 AM and go to work a grouchy woman.
Yep, I blame men. If I had a nice one, I’d get sleep. And I’d be happy. And my coworkers would be even happier.
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I’m lucky, I do the same thing but I don’t have to go to work until the afternoon. The benefits of working a late shift.
Of course it also means I miss all my shows, can’t go for a night out on the town until I’m off on the weekends either.
Good thing about my workplace is that everyone is so psychotic nuts that even when I’m in a bad mood (which is usually every day) I always come across as the cheery sunny guy to others.
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I’m afraid if you were with a woman, you wouldn’t be better off. Ever wake up in the middle of the night not being able to feel your arm? Once you get a girlfriend, you will. Be prepared for numb arms squished by her head as you cuddle and too-hot summer nights when she insists on pressing against you. It’s not all rainbows and butterflies, not at all! Perhaps women just like you so much that they’re doing you the favor of staying away from you. We’re PROTECTING you.
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I already have a solution for hot summer nights, as I’ll simply move to a much cooler climate (like Alaska, or Canada maybe?)
Women staying away from me because they like me… hmmm… I’ll have to ponder over that one…
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