And I don’t mean bland either, I mean boy howdy f’ugly ugly.
Seems I always have to do some considerable digging before I can find a profile of someone who didn’t look they were the product of a genetic experiment gone horribly wrong. Why is this? Out here in the real world, I don’t have to take two steps before running into a bonnie lass I’d like to club and take home (and I would too if it weren’t for those damned assault laws.) Yet when it comes to these online dating sites I feel like I’m trapped inside a Twilight Zone rerun.
Now before you go bashing my head in with a 2 x 4 here, I happen to think the men on these sites are even uglier… including me. 
I’m convinced part of it has to do with the fact that if you got a girl who is A) drop dead gorgeous, and B) has a heartwarming personality of an angel from heaven, then why in God’s name would she need to use an online dating site? Men from all over the world would stampede to her hometown and start gouging each other’s eyes out for a shot at her. She’d have the pick of the litter.
Nope, what we’re seeing on these sites are the leftovers. Girls who couldn’t attract a guy’s attention probably because they all mistook her for being a guy. Or maybe because they weren’t enthralled by the thought of listening to her rant on about feminist power and why all men should be disemboweled just for being men. Or maybe it’s the mention of an angry ex-husband who owns a gun and likes to drink, all while assuring her prospects that yes, he really did stop drinking this time, and he fully realizes that it’s over between them, so no need to worry.
Mainly though, I think it’s the profile photos they choose to use (the recent ones, not the ones showing how you looked when you were ten years younger and 300 pounds lighter, as if I’m expected to believe those 90s outfits are still stylish even today.)
Look, I understand not everyone is photogenic. I know one girl who tends to look pretty bland in photos, but in real life she is absolutely gorgeous. Sometimes, the camera just wants to be mean.
But when I see some of the photos these girls pick out to use on their dating profiles, I’m seriously convinced many of them have a drinking problem. It doesn’t help that the photo they chose to use actually shows them being drunk either. And yet I can’t tell you how many times I keep running across pictures like this. They’re always in some kind of bar somewhere, holding up kegs of beer and making contorted facial expressions at the camera that tells me either someone just grabbed your bunny boons, or you truly are one batsh*% crazy chick.
It’s not even cute when men do it, but when girls do it it’s downright scary. Here’s some advice ladies (and I use the term loosely): those profile pictures of you giving the camera the finger because you were completely hammered from sampling 13 different alcoholic drinks don’t make you look pretty. They don’t make you look cute or sexy or whatever it was you thought the picture was meant to evoke. If you want the kind of guy who’s never seen a “Girls Gone Wild” video, then please STOP acting like you were one of the girls that starred in one.
Ok, now that I’ve gotten that off my chest, how about the sober photos? Here’s the thing: if the only photo you put up is a shot of you 100 feet or so away from the camera, so far away in fact that your image doesn’t take up more than 3 pixels of space on my monitor, then give it up. I know you’re ugly. Why else why would you use a photo that not even the forensics labs at the FBI could successfully enlarge?
And then there’s the dark photos. You know, the webcam shots of yourself that you took at 2 in the morning with only the glow of the monitor to light your face. So now, not only can I not be convinced that you’re pretty, I’m also starting to wonder whether you’re really alive either. Really, when your profile pic looks more like the ghostly image of an angry Lizzie Borden than anything resembling living flesh, I can only suggest one thing: instead of putting it up on Match.com, send it to Ghost Hunters instead. They love that sort of thing.
*Sigh*
I really shouldn’t complain though. If surfing through a sea of mind bending ugliness is what it’s going take to drive me offline and actually try approaching girls in real life, then maybe this is just the kind of medicine I need. 
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It is a well known fact that the dating agencies and dating site administrators stack the deck on the Fugly side. They load up lots of images of ugly women (and men too) so that people will feel more comfortable loading up their own Fugly picture into the network. If everyone in the network looked like Brad Pitt, your average Joe Blow Dork would not feel comfortable loading up their picture there.
General exception for this entire post and conversation when talking about gay dating sites. That’s where all the hot people are. If you are hoping to find a hot girl, you need to go load up your profile on a gay dating website. The girls there know that it takes a real man to create a profile on gay dating website. I’m married so I can’t do it myself, but let us know how it goes if you give this a try.
@brett: That can’t possibly end well for me.
The ending line, was too funny! Get offline and meet them in person! But where, I can’t imagine getting back into the dating scene. I wouldn’t know where to begin, so Holy Carp - Good luck !
Sue: Oy, I’m definitely gonna need it.
lol
I understand. Its very important to keep your ‘end’ ‘well’. I guess I just thought you might be willing to take ONE for posteriority.
I actually know someone who got listed on a bunch of gay sites as a result of some guys pulling a prank on him. Don’t remember if he attracted a sea of babes as a result, but I do remember much violence and chaos ensued when he found out.
I agree with you! I am no prize myself - but I would really get ticked off when I was on those dating sites! Seemed like EVERY guy was 600lbs overweight and bald. I would hate to “see” what the hell was in my inbox. Then, if the guy was good lookin - he was horrible at spelling! It was a nightmare.
I did find a few genuine guys there though. But only as a friend type of relationship… I still even talk to a few to this day.
Oh please tell me you are not doing the online dating thing! Save yourself and get out of there now, while you can!!! At least the fugly women are honest and they don’t post some picture of them from 20 years ago or a total fake picture altogether. HA!
@ca Marks: I must ponder where all the good, decent single women hang out though. Maybe the local nudie bar?
@Simple: At least you were able to get a few friendships out of it. All I get are restraining orders.
LOL. too funny. I would always get the “no picture” or the fake picture thing. I hated that!
@Simple: Maybe they’re shy! I know I’d be if a hottie like you were surfing my profile page.
Oh there I go being a flirt again.
Linc:
I think you secretly have a fetish for checking these ugly pictures out.
It’s not a fetish. These pictures have a way of following me around the net. They’re everywhere!!!
Right… and the bogeyman’s under your bed too, bro.
@lincoln: I actually know someone who got listed on a bunch of gay sites as a result of some guys pulling a prank on him. Don’t remember if he attracted a sea of babes as a result, but I do remember much violence and chaos ensued when he found out.
…what a great idea…let me know if any girls start contacting you soon.
@Sicarii: Nahhhh, he’s hiding in my fridge.
@Casey: Before you even think about it, just remember: I know where you live.
You are so bashing my niche! hahaha
Lemme turn it around. Why do YOU spend time one dating sites?
XD
Some people live on the net more often than the real world, it’s just normal that if that particular need arises, the net is where they first look for it. I’m talking about the need for company.
Some pretty girls are on dating sites, you just don’t know how to optimize your search lol.
@Woobie: I think searches on dating sites need to include an “ugly filter” as well.
Of course, that would probably screen out all the gorgeous women who think they’re ugly, just the kind of women I might be interested in. The ones that KNOW they’re beautiful are dangerously evil and are to be avoided at all costs.
I am offended.
I have personally used the dating sites lots of times in the past, and I don’t think I’m ugly. I get a decent amount of attention from guys in “real life” but to tell you the truth, I prefer online dating. Why? Because I feel like I can be myself. I can geek out just like I do in the other areas of my life. I’m a blogger, after all.
Also, by getting to know guys online first, I can be a little more convinced that I’m meeting someone who is interested in me for my mind. I take pride in the fact that I’m an intelligent, and computer savvy girl. And I’d like a guy who can appreciate that.
I did my share of going to clubs and bars in my younger years, and I have absolutely no interest in doing that any longer. Online dating is a good alternative.
That being said, maybe it isn’t as good as I had hoped. I met my last boyfriend via my blog. It went very well for 10 months, and then he suddenly got cold feet and dumped me for no reason. It seriously broke my heart. That was almost a year ago. Since that time, I’ve stayed away from the online dating sites. I figure that I’ll meet a guy when the time is right.
Why do men have to be such jerks?
Btw, I found your blog through Entrecard and just couldn’t resist visiting when I saw that you were looking for Miss Right.
I hope you have a great night!
That’s weird, because usually it’s just the opposite for online dating, where you’re everything BUT yourself. I think last I had a profile on a dating site I said I was a corporate executive making a 7 digit salary who was constantly mistaken for George Clooney.
I’m kidding. Sort of.
I’m sorry you got dumped like that though. Men really are stupid.
BTW, why did you have to go ruin my argument like that by being so pretty?
Damned woman.
Haha! So now I know who to avoid when I see you on the dating sites! Oh wait. Nevermind. All the men on those dating sites are corporate executives with 7 digit salaries, and are constantly mistaken for George Clooney.
And thanks for the kind words. Though I was heartbroken when it happened, I’ve had a year to recover from the breakup. And I now see that he wasn’t the right guy anyway. The right guy wouldn’t treat me like that.
Awww…thank you for saying I’m pretty.
Why don’t I see any photos of you on this blog?
Sorry to go and ruin your argument.
You’re right, the right guy would rightly treat you as right as rain.
Since I write about my job in a less than flattering manner on occasion, I have to be careful not to reveal too much about myself on this blog. I might upload a silhouette of myself to intrigue people even more, but we’ll see. Women do seem to like men who are shrouded in mystery after all.
You are definitely shrouded in mystery.
what is “ugly”???
i get really confused about all this ‘ugly’ stuff!
NOBODY ever seems to know the answer, yet call people ‘ugly’.
i mean… is it regarding facial features & if so - what are these facial features that determine if someone is ‘ugly’?
because, if i’m going to consider going on a dating site, i sure don’t want to if i’m to be looked upon as ‘ugly’. or else, what’s the point!!!
please someone, do tell what men would find repulsive about a females face, so that if i have any similarities, i will not bother making poor guy’s feel sick, by showing my picture at any time.
>anne
Anne, no one can give you an answer here because it’s different for everybody. While a friend of mine might think some Hollywood celebrity looks super hot, I on the other hand might think she looks like froggy dung, and vice versa. Beauty really s in the eye of the beholder.
thankyou for your answer mr adams.
please, you have written an article on this page regarding ‘uglyness’, so… i would like to know what you think is ugly. this would help me.
for example: is it a bad complexion or a large nose or squinty eyes, etc etc etc???
what i am looking for is a general idea.
such as, your friend may see beyonce as looking amazing but you prefer marylin monroe. putting individual taste aside - obviously, they are BOTH absolutely fantastic and not one is ‘ugly’ to either one of you who prefers the other.
that is why i need to know what truly is NOT PRETTY at all.
please help!!
>anne
Bad complexion might be a turn off, but the problem with the Internet is that it doesn’t provide a setting where you can get to know someone first, so that even if their looks turn you off initially, you may still end up falling in love with them as you get to know them better.
If you want to see how a picture of you might go over you could try anonymously using a “rate my looks” site such as ratingmylooks.com and see how people rate you. Kinda shallow, but an interesting social experiment nonetheless.
First, I have tried the online thing and it is just the opposite, I am an attractive girl from NYC and currently live in Cheyenne Wyoming. enough said. I get attention from butt ugly old men. I am in my forties and I am in shape and good looking. I seem to get the nasty, fat disgusting guys who think that they can bag a good looking girl. I am in Cheyenne and the men here are nasty. I am used to NY men, clean cut and well groomed. Also men here date the kinds of women that men in NY would not touch with a ten foot pole. Overweight, chain smoking alcoholics skanks with 3 and 4 kids with 3 and 4 different men. It is hard to meet people. In NY I never had issues with meeting men, here it is a nightmare. The dating sites are a horror and that is why I stopped. I can do better in my dreams.
@Cynthia: That’s wild, because I live in NY and thought it was just the opposite: the guys here are weenie dweebs and all the while I’m thinking in a place like Wyoming they’d be much more civilized. Who knew?
How are the girls at least? If they’re like cowgirl super hotties maybe we should switch: you come back and live here and I’ll go there.
thankyou for your replies mr adams.
sadly though, according to evidence, if a female’s looks isn’t appealing - no guy’s will even choose to date her in the first place. even if there is a chance that they could get on or end up falling in love!!
that is the whole point see, that males will have to find a female physically attractive before ANYTHING else.
hence, why i wanted to know specifically what was truly “ugly” according to majority of men & yourself.
the ‘rating photos’ is a good idea. only problem there is, unless you look really bad like quasimodo or really good like angelina jolie, you mainly get just an average rating. which again, doesn’t give you a decisive enough opinion of your attractiveness or unattractiveness.
please, if possible, could a likkul, itsy, teeny list be squeezed out of what is completely not pretty???!!!
>anne
Since I can’t speak for anyone else, I can only tell you what I’d consider ugly. So here goes:
I hate women with blonde hair. It’s just an ugly color.
Big noses. Can’t stand ‘em, especially when they cover such a huge portion of the face that just getting within six inches could be life threatening.
Squinty eyes. If I can’t see your eyes, you’re ugly.
Man-like features, like say, having a full grown mustache. Walking like a man too is just plain uncivilized. And ugly.
Those are pretty much my basic turn offs.
I’ll add to that. Morbidly obese women are ugly. I’m not talking about chunky…I’m talking about I see your butt or pelvis way before I see you…and you have jowls hanging down from your jaws…ugly.
And to that point, the only way to get that fat, without a major medical problem, which should be treated, is to not take care of yourself…which is also ugly. Women who don’t both to do their hair, moisturize their face, put on at least a little makeup…they’re ugly too, on principle. They may be the most beautiful woman in the world if they’d tame that nappy hair, and wear something besides old discolored sweatpants and a tshirt. But they’re ugly because they don’t take some pride in their appearance.
WOW!!! thankyou mr adams x.
that is some straight talking there lol!
i reckon, in all fairness, those specifications are what most gentlemen would agree with.
apart from the ‘blonde hair’ opinion, of course. i must say though, if it is “natural” it does look beautiful.
now thinking, it all comes down to female’s should really be feminine and take care of themselves. maybe, accentuate positive features and disguise negative features.
so, when online dating, if we are going to advertise our snapshots, as it were, we should make the best of ourselves and put up a complimentary photograph.
mmm!?
>anne
@Anne: If by complimentary, you mean photoshopped or fake…then sure.
@anne: that sounds like a reasonable approach.
…cause all the pretty ones are taken. you are funny. i don’t photograph well at all. i look like crap on my best day, my smile does whatever it wants, so i don’t get too many pictures taken…they lie like rugs!! lol
Okay, this article is just plain silly. Some people just like to narrow the odds for meeting new people. There are plenty of great, smart, friendly, pretty, and beautiful people online. They’re just shy or awkward at the beginning. I should know, I’m one of them
I don’t believe you. I shall need to see pictures for proof of this. Please send them to my email at your earliest convenience so that I can evaluate your claims.
Great read. I also enjoy being able to read between the lines on the profiles of girls. For example, You must have career oriented - “You Must be filthy rich”. You must be sporty and atheletic - “You Must have a nice body”. You must come from a good family - “You’re family must be filthy rich”.
I just realized I have a couple spelling errors in my post above. I guess frustration clouds the mind.
Kage, nah don’t worry about the spelling.
Good point too, money always talks. 