My boss had been playing games with me for the better part of a month now, from denying my proposed work schedule so I couldn’t attend law school, to threatening me over my request for accommodations because of my hearing disability. Naturally there have been days when I wished a meteor would land on his head (and those were the times when I was actually in a good mood too.)

For the past week he’s been AWOL as a result of training in another section for “overtime,” perfectly understandable to me given his 6 figure salary and his evidently pressing need to pay off his yacht and summer home. Poor guy. One particular night he left in a hurry without signing off his computer, and being the fine, upstanding person that I was, I did the only thing I could think of.

I fired up his inbox and quickly started rummaging through his emails and folders.

I could practically hear the digital clock from 24 thunderously ticking away in the background as I furiously performed a search query of all his emails, hoping to find something, ANYTHING, to give me an idea of what he might have been planning against me. I kept one eye on the doorway the whole time too, half scared to death that he would walk in on me at any moment, but I bravely (or maybe recklessly) pressed on.

Nothing.

I didn’t even show up on this guy’s radar. There were no emails about me, not even anything juicy about our division, even though everything in our section was falling to crap ever since he took over. Great, only in the movies can a guy pull a stunt like I did and be rewarded with some juicy intel, like finding out who REALLY killed JFK. @#$%!

I did find out that he was having an affair though. I guess that’s something.

Apparently unable to steal anyone’s heart the usual way, an unidentified thief stole a woman’s credit card and charged $1,400 for a computer and various dating services…. (Source: http://tinyurl.com/2zzmpd)

And I’ll wager he’ll actually find somebody too, even if that means getting married in a prison chapel.

Out of boredom and curiosity, I decided to do some random web surfing (via StumbleUpon) by using the keywords “girl of my dreams.” As a result the very first site I was taken to was the Global Incident Map for terrorism and other suspicious events.

Somehow, I don’t think StumbleUpon will prove to be an effective tool in helping me find my future snuggle cakes.

…run through the fields, and scaled every corner of the Internet.

But I still haven’t found what I’m looking for…

I have abandoned my desktop news aggregator for Google Reader, searched for every module I could find to add to my brand new Netvibes Start Page, and surfed for every known newsfeed in the universe that I could add to my personal collection.

But I still haven’t found what I’m looking for…

Discovered new blogs, made new friends through Twitter, and joined new communities at MyBlogLog.

But I still haven’t found what I’m looking for…

Search queried Technorati for “Single Christian Women,” played around with iGoogle till the sun rose again, and checked out all kinds of new widgets that I could add to my blog.

But I still haven’t found what I’m looking for…

So I’m in the john one day, when I happened to glance at some graffiti scribbled on the left wall. It said, “Look right!”

So I looked to my right, and saw some more graffiti scribbled on the right wall. It said, “Look left!”

I was in the bathroom for 3 hours.

So… you took a recent look at my blog and decided I was unworthy of your attention and love by reducing my PageRank to a mere “2.” And why? Because I don’t blog 50 posts a day? Because I’m not spending every waking minute keeping my site fresh with new content so your finicky little bots can all have a little something tasty to chomp on? Well screw you.

Lemme tell you something Big Boy: maybe I was a little busy a’ight? Maybe I wanted to take a short hiatus while I focused on real life before I got back to blogging. Did you ever think of that, huh?? Noooooo, all you care about is what’s HIP and happening, and if I ain’t all that with some brand new bling bling you ain’t never seen before, then you won’t even look at me cross eyed.

You think you alllllllll that, just cuz everyone loooooves to Google, and no one can find nuttin’ unless you tells them where to look. Well I got news for you buddy boy! I don’t need your stinking love. I can spread the word about my home on the web other ways. I got connections, bro. People in high places. You can’t keep me down forever, cause I am OUT THERE and there is no putting me back. Deal with THAT, you skanky ho bag excuse for a search engine. I am DONE with you.

Now if you’ll pardon me, I need to go check my Gmail.