I think my very existence could serve as living proof that it’s possible for God to make mistakes. From my direction-less life to my uncanny ability to make bitter enemies in a nanosecond, I wonder if I’d be able to singlehandedly restore the natural order of the universe simply by walking in front of a moving train. Would it really be a sin for me to finally set things right by bringing about my own demise? Makes me wonder…

Anyhoo, the deadline for the two law schools I applied to is fast approaching. Even though I pretty much wrote off attending law school altogether, it became official for one school today when I mailed in my withdrawal notice. For the other school though, the deadline isn’t until April 13th. And admittedly, things have gotten a little interesting here. There’s been some ongoing changes at my job, part of what may appear to be the phasing out of our traditional nightly work load. If that’s the case, it’s possible my working hours will change from the evening shift to a day shift instead. And if that happens, it would render the issue of getting classes scheduled around my working hours during the day totally moot. I’d then be able to take all my classes at night without any scheduling conflicts at all.

This is all a BIG maybe though. Even if that did happen, I’d have to know for sure before the deadline, and on top of that I’d have to receive some confirmation from the LORD that this is what He wants me to do (yes I’m a Christian, and weirdly enough I would actually like to receive God’s blessing before venturing into a new and risky profession. If that freaks you out, then take some valium and sod off.)

I don’t think anything is going to pan out though, especially if I am to prescribe to my theory that my total existence thus far has been one huge cosmic mistake. But then again, there’s still a little part of me that hopes otherwise, and hope (as they say in the Shawshank Redemption) is a good thing… maybe even the best of things.

And for now, it’s all I have.

Tags: christian, confirmation, conflicts, death, demise, enemies, existence, freaks, job, law school, law schools, life, living proof, lord, meaning, mistake, moving train, nanosecond, prayer, profession, purpose, schedule, shawshank redemption, sod, suicide, valium
Categories: Legally Speaking, Lincoln's Personal Log
 
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I haven’t heard anything from Uptown Girl since I last sent her an email, and I don’t expect to. However, she does show up a lot on AIM (AOL Instant Messaging), and there are times where I’m sorely tempted to drop her a line just to see what she says. I wish I had thought of instant messaging her instead of sending an email, and even though it probably would not have made much of a difference, it’s still something I regret not doing. So instead I just watch, wondering what she’s surfing, if she’s already forgotten about me, or if maybe, just maybe, she wants to email me but hasn’t thought of what to say yet. Just maybe?

God I’m so lonely.

Tags: aim, aol, email, instant messaging, lonely, love, regrets, romance, unrequited, uptown girl
Categories: Lincoln's Personal Log
 
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My ass.

I recently saw the movie Blood Diamond, which provided just a small glimpse into the violent world of diamond trade, and I tell ya, it’s enough to make me never want to buy a diamond for as long as I live.

Honestly, I never understood it’s appeal. It’s a rock. A bloody useless friggin’ rock. It does nothing except to prove just how utterly vain and shallow women (especially American women) are. A man’s love for such a girl is worth nothing to her unless he goes out and recklessly spends $5000 on a piece of sparkling rock (from which human blood may have been shedded for), something she’ll probably never wear anyway except on special occasions. That’s money that could pay bills, be used to buy nice clothes, or for taking a really sweet vacation to Prague.

I dunno, maybe it’s just me, but it just seems criminal to spend that kind of money on a piece of bling bling that won’t do anything except make some girl look good (sometimes). It’s certainly not for the guys, that’s for sure. I can’t even tell a diamond from a zirconia, so what do I give two flying leaps what kind of jewelry some two-bit ho bag from uptown is sporting?

If a girl truly thinks diamonds are her best friend, then she’ll never be any friend of mine. You feel me, dog?

Tags: american women, best friend, blood, blood diamond, clothes, diamond, diamond trade, diamonds, friend, girl, glimpse, human blood, jewelry, leaps, love, money, prague, rock, shallow, women, zirconia
Categories: Romance and Relationships
 
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The other day I was having a discussion with a friend of mine about an album cover for the group Trouble. He had recently bought the CD and after showing it to me, I noticed a few disturbing things about the album cover and pointed them out to him.

The cover depicted an explosion with a cross on either side, and in the middle of the explosion there appears to be a man with long hair screaming (an image of Christ?). Under the ground you can more clearly see the image of a huge skull. The sky itself shows a billow of smoke with an image of a face on it.

When I saw this I knew exactly what it was: the destruction of the cross at Calvary. Interestingly enough, the name of the place where Christ was crucified was called Golgotha, meaning “the place of a skull.” (John 19:17). See the connection here? The ground depicting an image of a skull… two crosses on either side of an explosion where the middle cross used to be… it wasn’t hard to see how blasphemous it was. I explained all this to my friend. Maybe he’ll see the same things. Maybe he’ll realize sometimes people are not who they profess to be. Maybe he’ll understand such album covers represents the work of a mind under wicked influences rather than under God’s own influence.

“You’re an idiot,” he said.

Of course I am.

Tags: album, album covers, band, billow, calvary, CD, christ, cross, crosses, explosion, God, golgotha, image, long hair, skull, sky, trouble
Categories: Tangled Webs
 
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I don’t know if you’ve noticed or not, but there seems to be a lot of weirdos hanging out at these Internet dating sites. I think my first clue may have been when I got a “wink” from a transsexual interested in meeting me. Or perhaps it was the message I received (in broken English) from an apparently Russian woman who liked my “structure.”

Regardless, surfing these online matchmaking sites has truly been one of the most depressing experiences I’ve ever had in recent years. If the demographics of these sites are even remotely accurate in revealing what’s out there in the real world, I think I might be inclined in taking a nice long nap on a busy train track.

Ahhhhhh, if only I were an atheist, ultra-liberal slimeball. Then the girls I’d be interested would be a dime a dozen. Only interested in casual sex? No problem! Want me to join you in an anti-Bush rally? Sign me up! Getting ready to go crazy at the next gothic rave? Let me put on my black lipstick and it’s on, baby!

Unfortunately, I walk a slightly different path.

But whether it was luck, (or maybe fate getting ready to play another cruel joke on me), a list of matching profiles sent by automated mail landed in my inbox. One of the profiles was of a woman who could very well be my own personal “Uptown Girl.” She was conservative, Christian, educated, and accomplished in her field. She came from an affluent background, worked for a prestigious employer, had a large family and a healthy circle of friends.

In other words, she was so far out of my league I’d need a time dilation device to open a wormhole just so I could get into the same UNIVERSE her league was in.

But for whatever crazy reason, I sent her a “wink” anyway and hoped for the best.

Well, she actually responded, gave her email address, and we have been trading messages for about a month now. There were times I thought she had lost interest, and just when I was ready to write her off, I get another email from her. Her last email finally indicated her desire to meet me in person.

Oh…….. crap.

It was in that moment that I realized I wasn’t ready for this. Worse still, my profile wasn’t exactly the most… accurate profile I’ve ever put together. I may have… embellished a few things. Truth be told, it reads more like a of resume I’d be submitting if I were applying for a job as an attorney general for the United States.

Yep, I’m an idiot.

But I knew why I did this. I’ve been observing that men who flat out lie their asses off about everything from their height down to the kind of car they drive usually get all the girls, even when they get found out. For whatever reason, girls who have become emotionally invested in these lying bastards tend to forgive them their fibs, whereas a brutally honest guy never gets a chance to begin with. Morale of the story? It pays to lie.

So that’s what I tried to do. Not so much as lying, but holding back crucial details about myself that a girl probably really does need to know about before taking the plunge with me.

Now faced with this dilemma, I realized something else: Damn I suck at lying. I mean what happened to me? I used to be so good at this, and now instead I’m racked with guilt for even telling a little fib. I knew deep down I’d never be able to master the fine art of playing the kind of dirty games that other scum sucking man pigs from the depths of hell had become so adept at playing.

So when Uptown Girl expressed a desire to meet me, I decided to be more forthcoming about who I was. A LOT more forthcoming. Most of my dirty laundry had been aired in my last email to her, and I concluded by saying I’d understand perfectly if she decided against meeting with me, and if she was longer interested in me romantically, that maybe we could at least be friends. I knew if none of my flaws were enough to deter her, then I just might have something here.

Maybe this time, I won’t have to pretend. Maybe this time a girl will finally show interest in me for who I am, not for who I pretend to be. Maybe, JUST maybe, I will have finally found someone looking for a downtown man to call her own.

I haven’t heard from her since the beginning of the month. Yep, a nap on the train tracks is starting to sound REALLY good right now…

Tags: atheist, casual sex, christian, conservative, dating, flaws, honesty, insecurity, internet, mail, matchmaking, online, romance, slimeball, time dilation, train track, uptown girl, weirdos, wormhole
Categories: Lincoln's Personal Log, Romance and Relationships
 
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One night I was sifting through a pile of “official police documents” at work and punching them into the system. I came across one for “Forcible Touching, 2nd Degree” and tried to think of an appropriate abbreviation for such a charge, since the field for inputting charges was ridiculously short to begin with, forcing us to come up with all sorts of creative abbreviations so we could fit the damned charges in.

So I put in “Touchy Feely.”

One of these days I’ll finally come to realize that the cops I work with have absolutely NO sense of humor WHATSOEVER. A detective called up and had a canary over my description of the charge, (which I happen to think was a pretty accurate description by the way). My CO though was not amused, so alas, I shall be written up once again for my momentary lapse of judgment.

I think I’ve been working here too long.

Tags: abbreviation, abbreviations, charge, cops, description, detective, job, judgment, momentary lapse, one of these days, police documents, sense of humor
Categories: In The Coal Mine
 
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