Came into work today:

“Hey Linc, Happy Valentine’s!”

“Bite me.”

“Yo, Linc, got any special plans for valentine?”

“Sit on it, assface.”

I sit down at my desk, and Mick my coworker approaches me. “Say, Linc….”

“Look, snothead, I swear to God if you so much as even hint at mentioning Valentine’s I will vomit the contents of my last meal all over your nice shiny uniform. I do not care about Valentine’s, understand? As far as I’m concerned, Valentine is a pissant piece of garbage gay ass, crap ass, dog ass, everything ass, commercialized demonic STD infested rat piss of a holiday.”

Mick looked at me for a few seconds.

“I just wanted to know if you finished going through the court papers we got yesterday.”

“……………………………………………oh. Yeah, it’s all finished.”