Archive for September, 2006
All by Myself on a Friday Night
Lincoln Adams | September 29, 2006 @ 6:13 pmWell it’s Friday, I’m by myself at work, and once again I have no plans for tonight other than twiddling my thumbs and watching WWE Smackdown. Guess it beats getting drunk at bars and waking up in stranges places the next morning, but maybe not if you like that kind of thing.
Back in the days when I had friends, on Fridays I would sometimes gather up my computer rig and stop by my best friend’s house, where me and a few other buds would set up a local network and game until 4 in the morning. Sometimes we went out to the movies or rented DVDs, but either way, someone (usually me) always made sure we stocked up on enough junk food to kill a healthy elephant. It was a nerdy way to spend a weekend, but still, we had us a time. 
But then somewhere along the way, my best bud started juggling relationships with several different women, and because I was too much of a freak to manage getting a girl of my own, I found myself spending more and more Friday nights hanging out with my friend… and whatever stupid bitch he happened to be dating at the moment. Quite obviously, said stupid bitch would not be keen on some of the geeky things we liked to do, unless it involved renting a DVD from the romantic comedy section at Blockbuster.
Suddenly, Fridays were no longer as much fun as they used to be.
Nowadays, my idea of an ideal Friday night has become more romanticized since then, and ironically enough, it involves the very thing that started ruining my Fridays to begin with: women. Yet I liked the idea of renting a DVD from Blockbuster, and then cuddling up with a sweetheart on the couch as enjoyed whatever flick we decided to rent. Or maybe hanging out at my place or hers so we can spend a quiet evening discussing love and life over a homemade candlelit dinner. Companionship was what I really wanted.
But as one decade rolled into another, I realized the sad truth that it would never happen to me. Years of disappointment and unrequitted love had coagulated together to create a poisonous bitterness in me that I can’t seem to shake no matter how hard I try. Whenever I dwell on my loneliness and how I got to this point, I truly want nothing better than to just lay down and die. It’s as if my whole existence had been a mistake, but somehow fate had screwed up and I managed to be born, rather than become just another number in the miscarriage statistics.
Instead I’m stuck in the vicious cycle where my bitterness has deeply affected my personality, knowing full well no girl worth half her weight in salt would think to approach me in my current state, yet that very fact also perpetuates my bitterness. What came first, the chicken or the egg?
Hmm, maybe I WILL have that speedball after all.
Tags: alone, blockbuster, buds, companionship, disappointment, elephant, flick, Fridays, friends, girlfriends, junk food, local network, lonely, rig, romantic comedy, sweetheart, TGIF, women, women suck
Categories: Lincoln's Personal Log, Romance and Relationships
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Lincoln Adams | September 28, 2006 @ 12:02 pmWork is really beginning to frost my cookies.
One of the few joys I had at work was being able to listen to Yahoo’s Launchcast Radio. It was a superb alternative to listening to the local radio stations here, which tended to play the same 3 songs all day long. It helped morale, made our work environment a more pleasant one, and it gave me the pleasure of listening to songs I hadn’t heard in years.
They blocked it. The stupid little trolls in network admin blocked it. I mean what are they gonna do next, block the air as well??
I have to wonder if this job simply lives to aggravate the ever living crap out of me. Just the other day I got a notice that all employees would soon be required to take a “diversity training” seminar. Huh? So I guess that means they’re gonna tell us how we shouldn’t refer to Muslims as ragheads, or refer to fellow coworkers as wops, kikes or greasers, or grope women we find attractive, and so on. While they’re at it they might as well show us how to properly hold a knife and fork when eating dinner, or teach us to remember to flush the toilet after we’ve finished our business.
For this I have to waste 8 hours of my time. @#$% job.
I remember when I graduated college a lifetime ago how full of hope I was. I had gone to college to get a good education so I could get the kind of job that I’d find satisfying and rewarding, to fulfill what had been a lifelong dream for me, or at the very least so I could avoid having to take a deadend, soul sucking job, such as the one I’ve been doing now for almost 7 long years. Yep, things sure worked out the way I hoped they would, huh?
Ugh, where’s a speedball when you need one?
Tags: crap, diversity, diversity training, greasers, job, knife and fork, launchcast, lifetime, little trolls, music, muslims, pc, political correctness, speedball, time job, toilet, work environment, work sucks
Categories: In The Coal Mine
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Hello, my name is Lincoln, and I’m an Angry White Man
Lincoln Adams | September 26, 2006 @ 10:09 pmOne of the reasons my blogging has been so sporadic is that I am attempting to come across as a mellow, mild mannered, polite good old boy.
In other words, the exact opposite of who I really am.
To be sure though, there are many facets to my personality. I can indeed be mellow, lighthearted and fun loving. But there’s a darker side to my personality, one I try to bury (with little success) both in real life and on the Net. It’s the kind of personality that has gotten me banned from various different forums and censured in others, and even almost arrested a few times. Some people write me off as a hateful ne’er do well, while others (perhaps out of morbid curiousity) stick around just to see what I’ll say next.
I’ve always despised this part of my personality, wishing instead that I could always give off all the warmth of a cuddly teddy bear named Bobo, instead of the (thankfully occasional) demeanor of a hammerhead shark that hasn’t eaten for weeks.
The fact is, I’m an angry white man with a lot of issues that I need to work out, and I’ve been debating over whether I should use my blog as an outlet for some of these issues I’ve been trying to deal with. My temper has been known to spill out at inappropriate times, and though I’m almost never violent, I have been very violent with words. Words are my stock in trade, and mine can often cut to the heart if I’m not careful.
But honestly, I’m getting tired of walking on eggshells. I know people get turned off by those who aren’t happy 7 days out of the week, or who must always have a pleasant demeanor lest they should flee away and never befriend them again. But since I have no readers or friends, I really have nothing to lose here by letting loose. Perhaps clearing the air will prove to be a theraupetic exercise for me. Then again, perhaps not. But at least in this sense I’m being more true to who I am as a person, rather than just putting up a more benign facade just so I won’t scare people off.
The truth is, I’ve become very bitter. Like a wounded animal that snaps at anyone who gets too close, even those who just want to help, I find myself trying to deal with painful and open wounds that deeply affect my psyche, wounds that refuse to be healed even years after they’ve first been inflicted on me. It’s made me bitter and angry, at a loss for answers, and wondering how I managed to sink so low. In my journey to find truth and justice in this world, I hope part of that journey will see me escaping this mire of bitterness I’ve created for myself. Only time will tell though whether that will be the case.
Tags: anger, bitterness, blog, blogging, darker side, demeanor, exercise, facade, facets, hammerhead shark, heart, issues, living, outlet, people, personal life, personality, problems, scare, stock, teddy bear, temper, truth, warmth, white man
Categories: Lincoln's Personal Log
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SGA: Stupid Gullible Asses
Lincoln Adams | September 26, 2006 @ 9:32 pmLaw school claims to suck up more than 50-60 hours a week of your time. And yet somehow, some way, students find the time to run for positions in the SGA (Student Government Association). Why? Is it the allure of possibly having the label President, Vice President, Treasurer or Secretary (ok maybe not Secretary) affixed to your name? I got news for you: being the President of an SGA is about as prestiguous as being the President of the chess club where you’re the only member. It may have been cute in high school, and perhaps even useful too, since it gave the nerds something to do while the real men went out and played football, but this is law school now. Grow the @#$% up already.
Tags: allure, chess, chess club, immature, law school, legal education, nerds, real men, sga, student government association, stupidity, vice president
Categories: Legally Speaking
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Bubba Goes Bonkos
Lincoln Adams | September 24, 2006 @ 4:50 pmThe greatest President in U.S. history (according to glue sniffing liberals) goes muy loco en la capeza.
Tags: Bill Clinton, bonkers, Chris Wallace, Fox News, interview, nutty
Categories: Politics and Poker
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On Second Thought…
Lincoln Adams | September 21, 2006 @ 10:49 pm
After hearing about Hugo Chavez’s speech at the UN (on our soil no less), I’m beginning to think maybe Pat Robertson had the right idea after all by calling for his assassination.
Tags: assassination, despot, Hugo Chavez, Pat Robertson, soil, tyrant
Categories: Politics and Poker
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9/11: Remember Who Our Enemies Are
Lincoln Adams | September 11, 2006 @ 12:30 am
Tags: 9/11, remember, twin towers, world trade center
Categories: Lincoln's Personal Log
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